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Bachelor #4- The Inquisition Has Begun
I haven’t had too many jobs in my life, but I’ve probably been on like at least ten job interviews, and this weekend was another one.
But Single Jew Girl, we thought you were supposed to go out with Bachelor #4 this weekend.
So did I, my friends…So did I.
It looked like a date but really it was an interview, and I don’t think I got the job, or even past the first round. Not that I wanted to.
I get it- first dates are all about getting to know what the other person’s life looks like- where did you grow up, what do you do, where did you go to college, etc. That’s fine.
But my date with Bachelor #4 emerged from the getting to know you territory, to a job interview, and not for a cashier position at Starbucks or Urban Outfitters, but like a high level position in some sort of national security office.
Bachelor #4 was one of the first guys to email me on Jdate and we’ve been exchanging random and inconsistent IM’s about once a week since. He finally got the balls to just make a plan for drinks and I said ok, squeezing in a date before Sports Guy and I might become official.
Once the plan was made to meet for a drink at a bar on the Westside I tried to look his profile up again (we had moved over to IM after our first Jdate message) to remind myself of his stats, but somehow I must have deleted the original email because I couldn’t find it…after a neurotic moment of "what am I doing" panic, I realized that I just had to trust myself- something about him and his profile made me want to respond to him a month ago, so something must have been alright.
I wasn’t as nervous as usual this time- maybe because I’m getting used to meeting new guys like this, maybe because I’ve been seeing Sports Guy pretty regularly, but after sniffing my bottle of red, and doubting its quality, I decided not to risk it. So, I went to the date with Bachelor #4 stone cold sober, I suppose some would say that’s the best way to be…besides I felt cute and confident in my new Veronica M. dress.
I arrived first and waited at the bar for him and I kept wondering if anyone could tell I was waiting for a Jdate. Bachelor #4 arrived just as I was coming up with a story to tell about my circumstances if I ran into anyone I knew. Bachelor #4 was cute, and as soon as I saw him I remembered his Jdate profile image- one of him at a college football game with friends. This will be good I thought.
And that’s when the inquisition began.
It started out pretty normal. He asked about my job and my background and if I had siblings and when was it that I moved to California, and I asked him the same sorts of things. None of his answers were particularly exciting or compelling, I admittedly was more interested in why the bartender made my gin and tonic seemingly without alcohol.
As soon as we ordered the second round (I made mine a double this time), the heavier questions started coming-
When was your last relationship?...How long did it last?... Why didn't it work out?
I answered the questions in the most vague way possible and tried to change the subject-
"Oh my god I love this song!" or "Did you see the finale of Lost?" But Bachelor #4 was unfaltering in his quest. Without blinking an eye he kept going...
What do you want to write?...Where do you want to raise your kids?...Do you want to raise your kids Jewish?... Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I'm not saying these aren't worthwhile questions, they're valid, but certainly not on the first date...or like even the first many dates.
I think the thing that bothered me most was that when I would give him answers, vague as they were...
"Um...in five years?..I'll be working...maybe I'll have a puppy?" his face just wouldn't hide his judgement. When I said something he clearly liked "I'm close with my brother and sister and cousins", he would raise his eyebrows in approval, and the things he didn't like "...yeah I love my cousin, she taught me how to smoke a joint" he would blink quickly in disapproval.
I felt like at any second he was going to ask me for my references and do a full background check.
After I drained my second drink, with only slightly more liquor in it, I said I had an early meeting (actually true) and that I needed to get going. He walked me to my car and said he had a great time. Huh? Maybe he likes bombarding people with deep questions the first time he meets them, I guess that's Bachelor #4's idea of a good time. "So I'll call you" he stated. "Sure" I answered.
Ugh- I'm such a pussy sometimes, but what else could I have said without making it super awkward?
On my drive home I could only think about one thing- my Tivoed episode of So You Think You Can Dance. With all the effort I put into answering questions and thinking about the next ten years of my life, feeling judged and drinking non-alcoholic beverages disguised as gin and tonics, I was exhausted and I deserved a little reality junk. I'm sure Bachelor #4 would not have approved....
Photo by Face It