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This archival content was written, edited, and published prior to LAist's acquisition by its current owner, Southern California Public Radio ("SCPR"). Content, such as language choice and subject matter, in archival articles therefore may not align with SCPR's current editorial standards. To learn more about those standards and why we make this distinction, please click here.

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God Bless America

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Good news, everyone!

The terrorists have not won. And in America, we have the freedom of expression, which people today use in various ways.

Though the sun never came out, the section of America we call Venice Beach had a happy happy birthday. Here we will take a look at the people of Venice Beach and how they showed their patriotism on the 4th of July (beyond the $5 Old Navy flag t-shirt). Keep in mind what this world would be like if we hadn't gone through the Revolutionary War to become the omnipotent country that we are today. We fought for the right to paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar-ty, so take that, bitches!

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(There will be other photo galleries from Independence Day, so keep checking back for more insanity.)

Just think, if women didn't have the freedom to buy and sell titties as they pleased, where would we be today?

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And if we weren't in America, would Amir have the opportunity to try to charge me $1 every time I take his photo? No. He'd have to ask for $1.50 to cover a hefty tax to the Brits. Damn taxation without representation.

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If we hadn't gained independence from those evil Brits, would Wal-Mart have the opportunity to sell red, white and blue swim trunks for the $3.98 roll back price (at the cost of insignificant things like health care and social justice)? I think not!

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Would this man waste 19 cubic inches of closet space for 364 days/year just to be able to wear this hat once a year if he didn't love America? The answer is NO! This is a man WITH a country, ladies and gentlemen.

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God blessed America all right. No wonder we threw our tea overboard.

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If we still lived in British oppression, would we have the freedom to dye our hair to match a stupid clothing line? Think again. We would have to trade Victoria's Secret for Queen Victoria, and I bet her panties aren't nearly as cute!

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Is there any country better than one which allows you to celebrate by coloring your mohawk in spikes of primary colors, only to remind people of the Statue of fucking LIBERTY? These colors don't run!

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Don't you think Paul Revere would be happy to know that we can create colored mohawks for ourselves and our pets? Take that, redcoats!

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And what other glorious nation allows you to adorn your genitals with stars and stripes? Betsy Ross really thought this one out... stripes elongate, thus increasing our potency as a nation. America the beautiful.

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All photos taken by Malingering, with many more to come.