Malingering

My whole life I have dreamed of a world where we did not need to wear pants. I find them to be uncomfortable and entirely unnecessary and I'd always hoped that we would reach a point when society stood up and said, "screw you, pants!" As I found, ladies and gentlemen, that day is today....

I can't believe I called in sick to work to watch this utterly terrible Dodger game. The Blue Crew lost 12 to 1 to the Mets at their monthly mid-week day game today. Maine was pitching a complete game shutout into the 9th until the Dodgers managed to squeak out one run to wipe that big fat 0 off the scoreboard. Not much to say about this one. It sucked balls. A bunch of...

South opened its doors a few weeks ago and already business is booming. I arrived for happy hour at 5pm, quite relieved to see how well they'd filled in the space previously occupied by that hideous dim sum restaurant which was a disgrace to all things Chinese. South looks amazing, with nice clear TVs on every wall, wide open spaces, comfortable seating, and tons of windows. I was rather impressed. South was opened by...

This is going to be brief. I am lucky to be alive after 3 hours in scorching 90+ degree heat, and my very last ounce of energy will be used to get these photos up before I pass out. Literally. The Dodgers started Loaiza, which is usually a death sentence but today he only gave up two earned runs! This is a huge improvement! The Rockies started Jeff Francis (0-2), who didn't throw nearly...

Tonight's Dodger game was amazing in so many ways. The emotions ran high, ranging from the elation of witnessing Matt Kemp's grand slam to top off a 10 run first inning, the fear and helplessness of watching umpire Kerwin Danley get hit in the head by one of Penny's pitches, and then the absolute anger and frustration that I personally experienced sitting in front of the most annoying fucktard ever. Sometime around the 5th...

Andre Ethier gets hit by a pitch. There are very few days in my life when I actually wish I were rich, but today happened to be one of those days. My sister scored us field level seats behind home plate, which are a world of difference from our season seats in reserve level. As luck would have it, every time someone gives me amazing seats, the Dodgers lose. Every single time I've sat...

The first inning of last night's Dodger game was one of the best 1st innings I have ever witnessed. Besides watching the boys in blue light up Maholm and score 4 runs on him in the bottom of the 1st, Juan Pierre also pulled off a very close bunt single and Matt Kemp slipped and slid between 2nd and 3rd base: the first fall caused him to get stuck in a run down, the...

I innocently went to Third Street Promenade on Saturday to go shopping to put together a new "I'm single and available" look as the current one isn't working, and happened upon some sort of pre-Earth Day, super green I heart the environment festival. Fortunately Earth Day brings out the best of Santa Monica, and my camera and I happened to be there. I can't appropriately put words to this, so just click the photos....

You may or may not have read my tale of last night's disaster at Dodger Stadium (if you haven't, it's worth reading the comments because it completely dissolves into people talking about dicks in a bowl... huh?), but tonight I returned to Chavez Ravine for game two of the three game series against the Padres. I can't say that I wasn't worried, given the Dodgers' little five game losing streak and the absolute mess...

Three dead beach balls that we killed last night. Last night at Dodger Stadium was Helmet Radio Night, where the first 50,000 (or so) receive a free radio shaped like a helmet that receives exactly one station: AM 790. It was also douchebag night, and obnoxious kids with no parents night, and beach ball night, and people with Sharpie eyebrows who show up in the 6th inning and spill beer all over you so...