Support for LAist comes from
We Explain L.A.
Stay Connected

Share This

News

What is That on Your Ass?

Stories like these are only possible with your help!
Your donation today keeps LAist independent, ready to meet the needs of our city, and paywall free. Thank you for your partnership, we can't do this without you.

5b2bb75d4488b30009268f43-original.jpg

Los Angeles has always been populated by the dramatic and the attention-seeking. It's part of our culture, and that's why we don't seem to affected by those who wear their hearts on their sleeves. But what about the latest group of people, those who wear their thoughts on their ass?

Take, for example, the woman above who wears a large "24/7" printed directly over her butthole. What exactly does this mean? My ass is open day and night? My butt never closes? Enter anytime, we're always ready? Personally if I had anything inside my pants that was available 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, I wouldn't let every single person within a 20 foot radius be aware of this condition. It's sort of asking for trouble.

5b2c37f54488b30009272072-original.jpg

Support for LAist comes from

Moving along, we find that this particular person has not only put an entire sentence on her rear-end, it's also an imperative statement which insists you bite. This may be just me, but receiving an unexpected chomp on the buttcheek by a stranger while I'm ordering dinner seems inconvenient and bordering on annoying. I think if I were to put a command across my butt it would say something like "back off" or "if you're reading this you're too close" or "stand back, imminent explosion."

5b2c37f74488b3000927207d-original.jpg

Now this one is just being too vague. Play? Which play, there are a number of definitions of play and here we can't even be sure if we're talking noun or verb. Is this come play with my ass or I'm ready to give you some play or I'm underage and I like to play dress up or I'm not serious about anything, my ass is just for play? If your buttcheeks are going to broadcast a message, it should be specific and not left open for interpretation because this too can cause trouble. Maybe with a footnote somewhere.

5b2c37f84488b30009272089-original.jpg

Sir-mix-a-lot aside, I don't know if the idea of calling your bootay a "land" is all that appealing. Does this mean it is an entire nation of juice? Because when I think of butts and juice the image isn't particularly appealing and usually leads me down the prune aisle which is just gross. I also wonder if Juicyland is an incorporated nation or just a neighboorhood (and if so, check next week for the neighborhood project as I am all over that). Maybe "juice" is description of the geography and the major tourist location is Chocolate Ravine, make a left just after Asszit Road.

Support for LAist comes from

All in all, I'm confused and disturbed. I'll have to talk about this next week in therapy.

All photos by Malingering, who has finally found some asswriting she is willing to wear but isn't ready to talk about it yet.