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Living In Sin: Three's a Crowd

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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,

After years of frank discussion, my wife and I recently decided to open up our marriage and explore things with other people. We've each had a few experiences on our own, and a couple of threesomes together, and although we've had a wonderful time, I have one problem.

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Sometimes in our threesomes I feel like I'm the necessary evil for the girls who want to be with my wife. It always seems to be "about the girls," and while I can certainly sit back and enjoy watching, sometimes I feel like the third wheel who’s there only because the new partner feels like she has to include me. I'm sure these girls would be thrilled to be by themselves with my wife, and it's kind of a blow to the ego!

Do I just suck it up and be grateful that I'm getting to have a threesome at all? Or am I right in wanting to feel like an equal? A lot of the women we’ve been with are quite new to expressing their bisexuality, so maybe it’ll change if we find a regular partner and the novelty of the girl-girl sex starts to wear off?
-Why can't I have my cake and eat it too?

Dear Cake,

I have a friend who has an extensive owl collection. It all started when she innocently purchased a wooden carving of an owl in front of her mother one afternoon– hmmm, isn’t that cute? – and has led to her being the horrified owner of owl pot-holders, clocks, earrings, slippers, “I don’t give a hoot!” t-shirts, needle pointed owl pillows, salt and pepper owl shakers, stuffed owls, owl soap-on-a-rope…On birthdays, holidays and graduations, the dreaded swarm descends, perching on her shelves, flapping up her wall-space, peeking out from her closet - it’s like a horror movie.