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Living In Sin: From Orgasm to Over It

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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,
I'm a 20 year-old, bisexual-leaning lesbian who has not done anything sexual with either gender. I get turned on easily and love to masturbate all the time. My problem is something that I can't seem to admit freely and you seem like the person who will (finally) understand.

I can't keep going after I come, even though I'd love to. During the build-up I'm thinking "I could do this for hours" but as soon as I come I can almost feel the whoosh of my hormones receding and I feel exhausted, disgusted and uninterested - almost to the point where if I were to keep going for another one, I'd vomit. I've had this problem since I started masturbating when I was 14 and I just can't seem to force myself to shake it.

I'm afraid this is going to translate into my sex life when I finally have one, and I don't know how to improve the situation! Do you have any tips?
- One Hit Wonder

Dear One,
Every year I go backpacking in the wilderness areas of southeast Utah with two friends of mine. We stumble around an endless landscape of giant blobular crazy swirling taffy-colored rock that I can’t really describe, but suffice it to say that anyone who’s ever smoked crazy glue has been there. There are no other people and there are no trails, so if you’re anything like me, you either go with friends who have super-human navigational skills or you spend the end of your trip being eaten by birds.

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One year a very rare thing occurred and we actually saw another human being out there. We were perched on top of this purple cone-shaped rock overlooking a little valley, and off in the distance was this guy skittling around like a little cartoon character. We couldn't figure out what he was doing, darting around like he had ants in his pants, deedly deedly dee, but it was incredibly entertaining. Until we saw him bend down to fill his water bottle in a tiny, fully-foul desert puddle. We realized he must be delirious and lost and started yelling and waving at him. In mere moments he was at our feet, bug-eyed with terror and nearly weeping with relief. We gave him some water, fed him an apple and pointed to his tent, which was about 500 feet away. That was when he really started crying.

You remind me of this guy because you're also blindly stumbling around while the answer is just around the corner. If you weren't so ashamed of your "problem" and felt like you had someone, male or female, that you could talk to about it, you would understand that you are perfectly normal.

I don't know if you've been too busy masturbating to notice or what, but one of the oldest jokes in the book is about the guy who gives you his two minutes of thunder and then rolls over and goes to sleep. Here's my favorite one of late.

Women can usually re-charge faster than men, but the clit has 8,000 nerve endings, all of which get flushed with blood when you come, which means it can actually hurt if you try to play with her right after an orgasm. So even though men are more famous for it, lots of women join the snooze crew once they come, too.

Anyway, the real issue here isn't your lack of ability to rev up again, but rather the gag reflex you have towards your own sexual pleasure. I'm thrilled to hear that you masturbate like the dickens, but I don't like the way you feel all pukey afterwards. This may have something to do with why you haven't slept with anyone else, btw. Not that there's anything wrong with being a virgin, but I'd hate to think that you've remained one because you're disgusted and nauseated by sex somehow, not because you don't feel ready. If you get mighty real with yourself and decide that this is indeed what's going on, it might behoove you to talk to a therapist who can help you navigate your way into someone else's pants.