Living In Sin: Better When You're Buzzed

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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,
Many years ago I purchased my first vibrator and became hooked. My orgasms are amazing, intense and come on pretty quickly when I use it.

The problem is that ever since I started using it, I haven't been able to achieve the same kind of orgasm when I am having sex. It doesn't matter what he does, who I’m with, if it’s a meaningful relationship or one a night stand. What's going on? Thanks.
- Good Vibrations

Dear Good,
Here’s a little joke for you: What did the Deadhead say when the weed ran out? Answer: Wow, this band sucks.

As someone who has gotten stoned and gone to a concert or two (the Grateful Dead included) I will say this: music sounds better when you’re stoned, food is tastier, sex is hotter and, dude, that was funnnnny!

I don't smoke pot anymore because I left the keys in my front door one too many times, but guess what? Music is still almighty, I love eating, sex remains at the top of my list and if you say the right thing, I will wet my pants laughing.

We the people in order to form a more perfect good time on this planet have invented all sorts of pleasure enhancers: ketchup, sex toys, electric blankets, etc. We even decided to share the wealth and put catnip on the market. We love our pleasure, and as long as it's safe and people in third world countries aren't forced to work in horrible conditions for no money to create these products, where's the harm in upping the ante every once in a while?

Your problem isn't that you love using a vibrator, your problem is that you're wondering why you can't achieve the same kind of orgasm without one. You're basically hooking your clit up to a jackhammer - what finger, tongue or penis can compete with that? Your good old fashioned orgasms aren't gone for good, they've just had sand kicked in their face by someone bigger and stronger. If you want to get back to basics, put down the vibe for a while and focus on coaxing the old girl out from under the bed. It may take a while, but she's there. Who knows, once you're reunited, you may prefer the slow, steady build over the quick thrill? Or not. Or you'll like both. But comparing them, like comparing anything really, takes all the fun out of it.

Luckily, if it turns out that you are all vibe, all the time, it's nothing to worry about, you've just gotten used to another way of pleasing yourself. You'll just have to incorporate your vibrator into partner sex. People do it all the time. They also use things like nipple clamps, meat hooks and cock rings - you will be in great company, trust me. Just make it fun, explain to your partner that this is what gets you off and keep your batteries in the fridge because they last longer.

Photo by diamondmountain via flickr