This is an archival story that predates current editorial management.
This archival content was written, edited, and published prior to LAist's acquisition by its current owner, Southern California Public Radio ("SCPR"). Content, such as language choice and subject matter, in archival articles therefore may not align with SCPR's current editorial standards. To learn more about those standards and why we make this distinction, please click here.
June 10, 2006
Dear Diary-
Turns out horseracing is harder than it looks.
First of all, the beer line is like a mile long and when you get up to the front, the old lady only lets you get two beers per person and I was only one person. You do the math.
Second of all, it's hard to pick the winning horse in each race if there are multiple interesting and/or cool names in the running. For example, do you bet for "Wally World" or "Getoneforthegipper"? I mean, if you don't know how to handicap, a cool name is all you got...and you can't go placing bets all willy nilly if there are multiple neato names in the running.
I figured out that sometimes the best method is to close your eyes and point.
Third of all, it's a lot of hurry up and wait. The horses saunter out…proudly trotting their asses like whores on display…then rack up, then run. Four seconds later you're back in the mile long beer line commiserating that out of a total bet of $12.00, you only won $2.20. You silently curse the person who decided to name the horse you bet on..."Skeeterkat" because while it's obviously a winning name, nobody bothered to tell the horse that.
Fourth of all, drinking fistfuls of $1 beers makes one, namely me, have to pee like a racehorse all night long. While inconvenient and time consuming, if you have to pee like a racehorse, the racetrack is an appropriate place if any.
Fifth of all, The English Beat is fun to dance to while intoxicated even though they are 20 years older than their greatest hits.
Gotta go now. Still hungover.
-xTxIt’s Fabulous Fridays again at Hollywood Park!
Seven bucks to get in and you are blessed with $1 beer, $1 sodas and $1 hot dogs until 9pm!!! It’s like a strip club without the strippers, but with lots of horses, long-ass beer lines, and plenty of riff raff to stare at.
If drinking and eating America’s finest foods for a dollar while betting on racehorses isn’t enough for you, pay $10 to to get into the Clubhouse (before the 7th race!) and you can stay for a “free” concert by your favorite 80’s band or tribute band!
Just don’t go on May 11th…because I want Super Diamond all to myself!!!
Photo courtesy of me
