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You got Goop All Over My Plebes!

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For those of you too busy standing in line for unemployment checks to snark at celebs online, former LA resident and occasional actress Gwyneth Paltrow is now the full time proprietor of GOOP, the most unintentionally hilarious guide to better living since the 1970s edition of the Joy of Sex1. Each week, Gwyneth sends out a GOOP newsletter with helpful suggestions on how to live the good life. Clearly they're culled from a time capsule she prepared about a decade ago because one might think from reading that she has never even heard the word "recession". Or maybe she subscribes to The Secret and believes that if she pretends everything is great, maybe it really will be!2

For this week's letter, Gwyn's finally turned her razor dull sense of class and timing back to her former Los Angeles shopping grounds, and the result is pure Epic Fail. She begins thusly:

Los Angeles, where I was born and partially raised...
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Okay, I was going to let the statement live free but right out the gate we're already hip deep in silly. I give you the following True Lifetm LAist conversation:

Beth Kopley: which part of her was raised in L.A.? snark, snark.

Elise Thompson: what part of her remains unraised?

Ross Lincoln: her brain

God: Zing!
DISCLAIMER: God didn't actually exist in time for this article. Everything else is true.