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Arts and Entertainment

Are These Earrings On Father John Misty's Website Cut From The Stolen Moon Juice Crystal?

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The bizarre saga concerning a juice bar's missing rose quartz crystal continues as prime suspect Father John Misty has begun peddling rose quartz crystal earrings online. Curiouser and curiouser, indeed. Singer Father John Misty released a line of merchandise on Tuesday, according to NYMag. Among the many items is a set of rose quartz earrings, priced at $45. "You definitely DO what the energy of these rose quartz earrings in your life," the musician wrote on Instagram. To understand the significance of this caption, one must go back to the beginning.

The saga began in July, when Moon Juice proprietor Amanda Chantal Bacon posted to the Silver Lake juicery and sex dust shop's Instagram account that someone had stolen the shop's beloved rose quartz crystal.

She stated that one would "not want the energy of a stolen crystal," as that would be bad for them on, presumably, a karmic level. However, we later learned that a crystal might simply move on from a particular location if it wasn't keen on the vibe or if it had important crystal business to attend to. That is simply a crystal's way, according to some people who believe that crystals have special healing properties and powers. (Some also argued that this crystal was not a rose quartz at all, but a pink quartz, though the two terms are used somewhat interchangeably, and frankly, no one's following this story because they want to learn crystallography.) Then, singer Father John Misty wrote a rather long post on his own Instagram, indicating that he may have been the vessel for the crystal's relocation.

"As a practicing Buddhist, I can only advise you to try and remember that crystal is only random phenomena, and if it HAPPENS to find its way into my pocket, and that pocket HAPPENS to leave your store, creating some ownership/theft/possession narrative will only cause you more pain as you will be attempting to find significance where there is none," he wrote. He then accused the shop's smoothies of being "inconsistent."

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Later, an Instagram account purporting to belong to the now sentient crystal appeared and indicated that it was going on some kind of self-discovery journey.

One would think it would have ended there, but no, the distraction from the depressing hard news of the world beyond Silver Lake continues. According to Father John Misty's website, the earrings are available for pre-order now. But where do the crystals come from? According to the product description:

These earrings are of the highest quality, offered for those with only the most discerning taste. Privately sourced by Father John Misty in Los Angeles, each stone is meticulously cut from recently-acquired rose quartz crystals in Josh Tilman's private collection.

Josh Tilman is Father John Misty's real name. Privately sourced? Recently acquired? Pretty suspicious, if you ask me. For all that talk about ownership and Buddhism, this long troll looks a lot like capitalism.

As for Chantal Bacon, she just opened another Moon Juice outpost on Melrose. If one looks carefully at this recent Instagram photo, it appears as though she has acquired several other large crystals, perhaps for an upcoming energy battle. Watch your chakras, Misty.