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American Idol: Talkin' Bout Chest Hair, Talkin' Bout Crazy Cool Medallions

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Clearly these kids do not understand disco. Nevertheless, silver, swoopy-haired Barry Gibb (sounding oddly like Darryl Hammond’s Sean Connery impression) mentored and coached the hatchlings into eight counts of nostalgia butchering. Much like colorized movies, this was a bad idea.

Melinda started us off with the very dirty, “Love You Inside And Out” oblivious to the connotation. For her second number she chose the timeless, the epic, the boooooooooooooring “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart.”

Blake’s “You Should Be Dancing,” sounded like a Euro remix complete with echoing falsetto and weirdly forced beatboxing. His number two pick was the tuneless and obscure “This Is Where I Came In,” and though it was far from great, anything short of vomiting on stage an eating it will probably get him into the next round.

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Lakisha’s eyes lit up during her pre-game with Mr. Gibb in a way I have yet to see. She took on “Stayin’ Alive” and “Run To Me” with tepid results.

Jordan’s version of “To Love Somebody” sounded better on the rehearsal reel, and she screamed her way through “A Woman In Love.” Still, she’s cute as a button and took top marks from the judges.

Today will be a day of reckoning. Stay tuned.