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Do you dream of getting away from it all, checking out of your dumb life and starting your own cult? Well, do we have the real estate for you.
Here are six Southern California motels currently for sale that would make ideal breeding grounds for your next communitarian, vaguely spiritual living experiment! They could also work for family compounds or artists' colonies. Enjoy.
Spa View Inn, Desert Hot Springs
(Photo courtesy of LoopNet)
At $769,000, this 11-unit Desert Hot Springs motel is a steal and a half. It comes with a two-bedroom house, a one-bedroom apartment, and nine studio apartments. Good luck finding a two-bedroom house in Los Angeles for that price! There is also a BBQ area, a lovely pool, and a creepy indoor jacuzzi (set against a painted indoor backdrop of a mountain view). The indoor jacuzzi room will be perfect for cult rituals. Plus, the fact that there was a "69" in the price will be endlessly funny when you are all on mushrooms. There is also 132 degree natural well water and two dry wells on the property (not exactly sure how that works, but I think it will also make a lot more sense when the psilocybin kicks in).
Cost: $769,000
Buy it here.
Sands Motel, Barstow
(Photo courtesy of LoopNet)
Located about 115 miles northeast of Los Angeles, scenic Barstow is famous for appearing in the opening line of Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas ("We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold..."). This 14-room motel also has a three-bed, two-bath manager's house for you to live in, and is available through a lease-purchase option. The listing calls it "a life time opportunity to start a business with only a few thousands dollars," though we'd argue the real opportunity here would be the chance to make up a religion off the top of your head that could someday rival Scientology in scope and might. The property's location, smack dab in the heart of Barstow, close to the 15 freeway, outlets and well on your way to Las Vegas, also makes it ideal.
Cost: $550,000
Buy it here.
Sahara Motel, Desert Hot Springs
(Photo courtesy of LoopNet)
Are you looking to launch a cult that's less patchouli and more GOOP? Well, look no further than Desert Hot Springs' decidedly high-end Sahara Motel, where wellness can definitely be used as a verb and the lush landscaping will pair beautifully with flower crowns in your Instagram photos. Only ambitious aspiring religious leaders need apply, as it will take plenty of charisma to fill the 80-room (!) property with converts. Bonus points also go to the Sahara Motel for having the best single-sentence description we've ever read in a real estate listing: "Resort with 14 pool, spa, sauna, outdoor BBQ, church, single family house and theme park so on." And so on, amirite?
Cost: $10,000,000
Buy it here.
Ruta Motel, Indio
(Motel image courtesy of LoopNet, map via Google Maps)
There is something clearly amiss about the fact that the only photo of this listing is the sign. Like, not even an exterior shot. That said, it is a pretty great sign. Plus, the 13-room Ruta is a mere 3.7-mile walk from the fairgrounds where Coachella is held, making it ideal for Festival Season recruiting. Calling all Silver Lake Shamans!
Cost: $1,200,000
Buy it here.
Motel 29 Palms, Twentynine Palms
(Photo courtesy of LoopNet)
Situated on Highway 62 at the entrance to Joshua Tree National Park, this 10-room motel's geographic location practically screams spiritually journey. Four adjacent lots along Highway 62 are also for sale, leaving plenty of room for physical expansion once you're finished amplifying your mental horizons. Even the listing itself seems to know that great things can happen here: "Easy to manage. You can create your own business and be your own boss as you dream to do. Nothing can stop you."
Cost: $549,000
Buy it here.
Tokyo Princess Inn, Encino
(Photo courtesy of LoopNet)
Have you ever dreamed of owning a 26-unit, vaguely Asian-influenced compound right here in the San Fernando Valley? Great news, this is it. The Tokyo Princess Inn's EPCOT-y faux-Japanese architecture might be all kinds of #problematic, but at least it sets a clear precedent for whatever other hackneyed cultural appropriation your cult might desire to partake in! The property is also conveniently located near the 101 freeway on Ventura Boulevard. Potential followers could turn on, tune in, drop out here, and still commute to their day jobs in the morning! According to their website, the Inn was reportedly once owned and operated by a pre-fame John Wayne, though who knows if that is true.
Cost: $6,900,000
Buy it here.
