We -ist across the nation

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LAist has so much fun this week! They go to E3, where they overhear the timeless remark "Man, this is where nerdy girls get laid." Is that a promise? They also give us this week's best CDs and make us realize that LA is the best place to use Zillow.

Ah, Houstonist. They're biking to work, that is, if they can figure out how to get there. That's right, Mapquest says "Houston had the largest percentage of respondents saying they got lost in their hometown." Let's hope they don't go so far astray that they end up menaced by alligators! We fantasize that the shorts-wearing Houston Dynamos take a wrong turn and end up at our house, but that's a whole other post. And as much as we want all of you to read Houstonist, do not read this story about a dog mistakenly euthanized by the HSPCA. It's just too sad.

Londonist slightly less than eagerly anticipates the June 7 release of the new Guns N' Roses album. Hey, at least Axl didn't get arrested at Heathrow like DMX did. DMX is in good company, as other London-area arrestees include a drunk Smurf. And, in what is probably our favorite news item of the week, The BBC mistakenly interview a cab driver when they meant to interview the editor of a popular website. Speaking as the editor of a popular website, we're looking forward to the day when cab drivers get mistaken for us.

It's a rough week for Phillyist. They're starting to lose faith in the Phillies! Or maybe they're just in a crappy mood because of their high taxes and crummy EMS. And if that's not bad enough, Philly's snack institution Tastycake might leave the area. Oh, yeah, and a local woman ripped her husband's scrotum off. Poor Phillyist, go give them some love!

SFist comes out swinging, as the city plays host to Henry Rollins, Jello Biafra, and Jonathan Richmond in a benefit for the West Memphis Three. Of course, any good karma the Bay Area built up with that event was squandered when they booed the Canadian national anthem at a recent San Jose Sharks game. And if that's not skanky enough, someone rigged the World's Ugliest Dog contest! Oh, well, before they go to hell they'll have some Beard Papa cream puffs to snack on, so all is not lost.

Austinist is so clever! They get us the Austin City Limits Festival lineup well before it's released, making us feel cool by association. They review Russian comedian Eugene Mirman's new release, who is not your father's Yakov Smirnoff. When they're not reviewing CDs, they're reporting on our nation's review of the president and how that might affect your wacky summer road trip. Or your wacky road movie, which you could submit to the SXSWclick mobile media festival. Another place to avoid on your road trip: Eldorado, Texas. No, the "Yearning For Zion" ranch is NOT a spa, it's a crazy cult compound. Y'all come back now, ya hear? One person we know will never be welcome at the YFZ ranch is Austinist interviewee Suzan-Lori Parks, of Topdog/Underdog fame. Speaking of top dogs, how about Austin's own Voxtrot, who are making quite a splash all over. UT running back Ramonce Taylor makes a different sort of splash when he gets pulled over with 5 lbs of weed. Some guys have all the luck.

Gothamist goes to a Beard and Moustache contest, but for the real fun check out the cranky comments regarding the post's previous headline. And the competitive theme continues with their post on the rivalry between Williamsburg Hipsters and Park Slope Yuppies. We'd suggest they meet on neutral ground to work things out, but the subway's so damned dirty they probably don't want to leave the house. Hey, can you get Hep C from the E train? Ask the The Raconteurs! We don't care how dirty the trains are, we'll still go to the new 24-hour Apple store. Insert your own "city that never sleeps" joke here.

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DCist reports on the shocking Catholic University's women's lacrosse team stripper scandal. We're more surprised that the stripper in question was a dude, but that's just us. And an item that's truly shocking: Baltimore police arrest a couple for asking directions? Read through the comments on this post for elaboration on this case. Far less murky is the story on DC's blaspheming mayor, though we're sure that some DCist readers were using much harsher words than "goddamnit" as they watched the unsatisfying conclusion to "The West Wing"

Bostonist traverses the digital divide by bringing their readers a YouTube video featuring Dudley Square at night. On the other side of the divide, we have the an ironic initiative to rename locations in Cambridge, and folks from MIT wiring their homes for sound and vision. God, William Baldwin's character from Flatliners would have loved this! Maybe those folks need to get some more exercise (not that kind, Baldwin), how about kayaking around the 48 lower states? Of course, while some folks paddle 11,200 miles, other folks can't be bothered to take public transportation to Sox games, and want their parking money back if the game's rained out.

Chicagoist (and their commenters) ask some interesting questions about the man who stands with a sign reading "FBI Agent Chris Saviano Stop Raping My Wife". He's not the only man standing up for his principles -- check out the guy who refuses to sell his home even as two high rise condo buildings went up on either side. One guy who can't stand up for anything anymore is the guy who died with $2.5 million of pot in his house. Speaking of pot (and not of yuppie hipsters), hey, Pearl Jam plays Chicago! And more women's sports trouble, this time hazing at Northwestern.

Seattlest angers the lord by mocking allegedly Christian band Mute Math, which must be why Pat Robertson's predicting a Pacific Northwest-centered tsunami. In an effort to prepare for the chaos that is sure to ensue post-wrath, they interview author Eric Blehm, who wrote a book on the case of missing forest ranger Randy Morgenson. Geez, if even the forest rangers are disappearing, we're SOL.

Miamist's eponymous city lives up to their hot (both is appearance and emotion) reputation by interviewing Miss Miami, reporting on the airport arrest of City Commissioner Johnny Winton, and admitting that they have more road rage than any other US city. Calm down, Miami!

Torontoist marvels at Craigslist's Missed Connections, thus raising the question "why wouldn't some 25-year-old unhappy virgin use CL to get laid?" Answer: her's not real. Damn you, Internet! And while we're mad, how much does it suck that many of Toronto's rep movie houses are closing? Answer: a lot. Finally, is Toronto's mayor a plushie? Answer: oh god we hope so.

All images of New York's new, 24-hour Apple store by Gothamist's Neil Epstein

Compiled by SFist Eve Batey