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We Have To Go Back, Kate!!!

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If you didn't watch last night's Lost season finale (two hours of twisted tropical bliss!), you should really just stop reading right here, cause spoilers are everywhere. If you haven't been watching the past few seasons, well, you're only missing out on the best television show of ALL TIME. While last night's closer didn't quite have the impact of last season's final scene (who can erase from their mind's eye the sodden, bearded spectacle of Future Jack?), it was still a rousing, action-packed, plot-twisty good time.

In brief: Sayid kicked ass, Kate wore a low-cut top, Desmond also wore a low-cut top, and we discovered that Walt is now six feet tall. Claire made a brief but creepy appearance. Juliet developed a drinking problem. Sawyer goes for a swim and says some funny stuff. Jack and Desmond sorta made out! (Okay, so using CPR and "making out" are not quite the same thing, but I have the urge to write some slash fiction nonetheless.) We found out how to move the island -- easier than one might think, especially if your basement is really well air-conditioned and contains a big fuckin wheely-gig.

  • Locke is Dead...or Is He? So we discover that this mysterious Bentham figure is not, in fact, the eighteenth-century philosopher who pioneered ideas about utilitarianism, but is actually John Locke! Who is also not in fact a seventeenth-century philosopher! And now that we know it's John/Jeremy in the coffin, and Ben is getting everybody pumped for a big Island Family Reunion, the question is, how exactly are they supposed to get John's body back on the island? Will this take Season Five in an entirely different direction? "Lost: Weekend at Bernie's"?
  • Creepy-hot bad guy Keamy is also dead, but only after one of those classic "Neener neener my bullet-proof vest is pretty sick, huh guys?" moments. Ben swiftly dispatched him with a blade to the neck after Keamy made some ill-timed comments about Ben's daughter. Why are the hot guys always the cockiest? Sigh. Anyway, it's a shame, cause I would have liked to see some more Sayid-Keamy throwdowns, or even just more of the guy in a tank top.
  • Michael wins the "Sacrificial Charlie" award this season, finally getting to meet his maker (and Jack's dad!) in an epic bomb-tastic climax. Most of the viewers I know have hated Michael since Season 1, so this wasn't too much of a disappointment -- but who didn't shed a tear or two when the helicopter left Jin behind?
  • Sun is apparently going to be a bad-ass next season, calling the shots with Widmore and Paik Industries. I think Jin might also have survived the freighter explosion (why not, ya know?), and will wash up on shore at some point next season, ready for more baby-makin!!!
  • Did you catch the commercial for "Octagon Global Recruiting"? This looks to be some sort of viral campaign for the show, complete with website. The dates listed coincide with Comic-Con in San Diego, so I think we can either expect a big preview or perhaps some sort of ARG. My predictions for next season? Desmond and Penny will help to orchestrate a daring island rescue scheme, and maybe have some hot babies. We'll discover that Widmore, Ben, and Sun's dad are all involved in some global corporate conspiracy. Sun will convince herself that Jin is not dead. Jack will take lots of pills. Kate will add to her collection of cute nighties! Walt will grow another two feet and get a basketball scholarship to University of Hawaii. Claire and Christian Shepherd will open a resort on the island together for crazy dead people who think they're still alive.

    We'll probably have to wait another eight months to a year for the new season, so I recommend re-watching the first three seasons over and over and over again until it comes back on.

    So what else did you notice in last night's episode? Any theories? Comments? Easter eggs? All I know is...we have to go back. We have to go back!!!

    Photo courtesy of ABC / Mario Perez