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This is an archival story that predates current editorial management.
This archival content was written, edited, and published prior to LAist's acquisition by its current owner, Southern California Public Radio ("SCPR"). Content, such as language choice and subject matter, in archival articles therefore may not align with SCPR's current editorial standards. To learn more about those standards and why we make this distinction, please click here.
Ultra Chaotic Water Catastrophe 2004
The rumors have finally come true.LAist isn't proud or happy or even mildly entertained by the death-water that began to pour down over the greater Los Angeles area earlier this week, but the events of last night have elevated the problem into a full blown catastrophe -- filling streets with moist liquid that has turned into puddles, streams and in some very unfortunate areas, really big puddles.
Bringing the freeways to (in some places) a 40-45 mph stand-still, droplets of moistness fell down all across the southland, causing some to retreat back inside where the acid-like liquid could not affect gelled hair-styles and button-down t-shirts. Some, hovering under awnings and inside doorways in downtown Hollywood expressed their horror at what was going on --
"Oh my god, what is this?"
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"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it."
"How are we going to get home!?"
"Maybe we should stay at a hotel."
"I, I just don't know what to say."LAist would like to stress to the citizens of Los Angeles that the worst is not over yet. Predictions that the moist-liquid drops may continue to fall today and tomorrow should not be taken lightly. The Ultra Chaotic Water Catastrophe 2004 (copyright 2004, LAist.com) is not called the ultra chaotic water catastrophe 2004 because we like how it rolls off the tongue. It is called the ultra chaotic water catastrophe 2004 because what we're experiencing here is chaotic, it is a catastrophe and it involves some kind of ultra water substance that is crawling its way into our lives without any sign of stopping.
LAist would also, in the name of safety, like to provide readers with a special checklist that may just save your life.
1. Find or buy a coat. This will protect you from the evil drops of acid.
2. Turning the wheel of your car quickly to the left or right while driving full speed in the pouring rain may possibly cause an accident. Be careful!
3. Some stores may carry an object called an "umbrella." This will cover your head and protect you from the demonspawn that is called "rain."
4. Contrary to popular belief -- the current catastrophe we're experiencing has not been caused by Al Qaida. Terror levels will remain as they were prior to the event in question.
We hope LAist has been able to help you through this tough time. Know that we are working with local authorities to keep everyone safe and sound.
As Editor-in-Chief of our newsroom, I’m extremely proud of the work our top-notch journalists are doing here at LAist. We’re doing more hard-hitting watchdog journalism than ever before — powerful reporting on the economy, elections, climate and the homelessness crisis that is making a difference in your lives. At the same time, it’s never been more difficult to maintain a paywall-free, independent news source that informs, inspires, and engages everyone.
Simply put, we cannot do this essential work without your help. Federal funding for public media has been clawed back by Congress and that means LAist has lost $3.4 million in federal funding over the next two years. So we’re asking for your help. LAist has been there for you and we’re asking you to be here for us.
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