Ultra Chaotic Water Catastrophe 2004
The rumors have finally come true.LAist isn't proud or happy or even mildly entertained by the death-water that began to pour down over the greater Los Angeles area earlier this week, but the events of last night have elevated the problem into a full blown catastrophe -- filling streets with moist liquid that has turned into puddles, streams and in some very unfortunate areas, really big puddles.
Bringing the freeways to (in some places) a 40-45 mph stand-still, droplets of moistness fell down all across the southland, causing some to retreat back inside where the acid-like liquid could not affect gelled hair-styles and button-down t-shirts. Some, hovering under awnings and inside doorways in downtown Hollywood expressed their horror at what was going on --
"Oh my god, what is this?"
"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it."
"How are we going to get home!?"
"Maybe we should stay at a hotel.""I, I just don't know what to say."
LAist would like to stress to the citizens of Los Angeles that the worst is not over yet. Predictions that the moist-liquid drops may continue to fall today and tomorrow should not be taken lightly. The Ultra Chaotic Water Catastrophe 2004 (copyright 2004, LAist.com) is not called the ultra chaotic water catastrophe 2004 because we like how it rolls off the tongue. It is called the ultra chaotic water catastrophe 2004 because what we're experiencing here is chaotic, it is a catastrophe and it involves some kind of ultra water substance that is crawling its way into our lives without any sign of stopping.
LAist would also, in the name of safety, like to provide readers with a special checklist that may just save your life.
1. Find or buy a coat. This will protect you from the evil drops of acid.
2. Turning the wheel of your car quickly to the left or right while driving full speed in the pouring rain may possibly cause an accident. Be careful!
3. Some stores may carry an object called an "umbrella." This will cover your head and protect you from the demonspawn that is called "rain."
4. Contrary to popular belief -- the current catastrophe we're experiencing has not been caused by Al Qaida. Terror levels will remain as they were prior to the event in question.
We hope LAist has been able to help you through this tough time. Know that we are working with local authorities to keep everyone safe and sound.