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This is an archival story that predates current editorial management.
This archival content was written, edited, and published prior to LAist's acquisition by its current owner, Southern California Public Radio ("SCPR"). Content, such as language choice and subject matter, in archival articles therefore may not align with SCPR's current editorial standards. To learn more about those standards and why we make this distinction, please click here.
Town of "Free"
After consulting a variety of mathematicians, statisticians and happy-hour food experts, LAist has determined that out of all the mega-cities in the United States, Los Angeles is the one place where a down-on-their-luck, individual who is lacking "funds" could actually survive the longest without any professional assistance whatsoever.
Why? Because Los Angeles is the town of 'free'.
On any given week, if you know someone or know someone who knows someone -- you could be treated to free movie screenings, movie premieres with after-parties, dinners, buffets, happy-hour with free snacks, t-shirts, sweatshirts, hats, sunglasses, drink cozies, weekends at ultra-private spas, limousine rides, psychotherapy, shoes, facial cleansers, and gift bags containing any or all of the above forementioned items.
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For a brand-new transplant to the City of Angels, one need not stand at a freeway onramp and pan handle for change in order to get that warm sweater or that full belly. One need not stand in the unemployment line or type 90 words per minute for a paltry minimum wage salary. One simply needs to know someone who knows someone who is hosting a free event, screening, birthday party, weekend getaway or Friar's Club roast in order to fill their closets to full capacity.
The reality is that Los Angeles makes more free crap than any other city in the country** and even though L.A. is one of the primary destinations for transplants from all over, there's still not enough people to stock away the sweater-vests, promotional face creams and bobbleheads. Sadly, there is a caste system in our "town of free" as well.
Whereas the lower caste system of free-crap receivers are presented with posters and t-shirts and large Slurpee cups, those with membership in the higher end of the free-crap caste system are handed $20,000+ valued loots. Bags filled with jewel-encrusted cell phones, weekend trips to the Bahamas and flat-panel HDTV plasma screens for their guest bathrooms, it appears as if the town of 'free' still favors the rich and them getting richer.
Not that there's anything wrong with a I Heart Huckabees Slurpee drink cozie. I mean, those things are damn hot!
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**Some facts have not been legitimately confirmed.
As Editor-in-Chief of our newsroom, I’m extremely proud of the work our top-notch journalists are doing here at LAist. We’re doing more hard-hitting watchdog journalism than ever before — powerful reporting on the economy, elections, climate and the homelessness crisis that is making a difference in your lives. At the same time, it’s never been more difficult to maintain a paywall-free, independent news source that informs, inspires, and engages everyone.
Simply put, we cannot do this essential work without your help. Federal funding for public media has been clawed back by Congress and that means LAist has lost $3.4 million in federal funding over the next two years. So we’re asking for your help. LAist has been there for you and we’re asking you to be here for us.
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