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Being a single man in LA is a piece of cake - as long as you have all the right tools.
Most men solely concern themselves with how to get a girl into his bed. If a guy is smart he will know what to do to keep her there, or make it easier for her to want to come back.
These are the Top 10 things which will keep that smile on your new girl's face and have her singing your praises to her friends the second she's able to flip open her phone.
10. Tampons. And pads. Even though the majority of the women that you will bring home have gone at least a few years of dealing with Auntie Flow, most women are in denial each month and "surprises" happen. Nothing worse than making out with a new girl, having her excuse herself only to ask to be driven home after she discovers she is suddenly unprepared. If you have a box of tampons and a box of pads not only will she probably take you up on your generosity but we bet that she will never forget you again. And if she challenges you, simply said that you were a good Boy Scout who took to heart its creed to "always be prepared."
9. Rope. And know how to tie knots. There are only a few things a man needs to know in bed. A gentleman who understands how and when to use three simple knots will appear just as worldly as a man who can order a meal in French. Know how to tie knots and you can speak any language you want.
8. A maid. Since you and your visitor(s) will be intimately exploring every inch of every room of your castle, make sure that the floors, the walls, the closets, and the corners are clean. Maids in LA are cheap. Invest often.
7. A new, sealed tooth brush. Let's say you meet Miss October 2005 and she comes over and inspects every inch of your apartment and drinks more than a few bottles of wine, and wakes up in the morning and let's say she wants to spend the morning and afternoon with you, and possibly even call over Miss August 2005. But she doesn't have a toothbrush, thinks that girls who carry one in their purse are sluts, but is super self-conscious about her morning breath. This $3 solution (or 99 cents at the 99 cent store) can buy you days of undeserved playmating.
6. A new, clean, unused, cheap brush and comb. Because even though you might think that her rocker chick bedhead is the hottest thing ever doesn't mean that she does. A girl who is allowed to primp properly in front of the mirror will vogue all over you all night.
5. Water, orange juice, Diet Coke. Every other guy goes for the quick score. May we suggest an alternative - the slow burn. If you can present some cold water, or a soft drink during half time, then you will have a recharged cheerleader ready to roll in the third and fourth quarters.
4. At least two dozen condoms. If you're not having safe sex with people you barely know, you don't deserve to be having sex in the first place.
3. Several totally different makeout cds or iTunes playlists. Not every girl likes Marvin Gaye or has pleasant memories for every Miles Davis tune. Be able to adjust with every whim. She may prefer Maiden over Mahler, or PJ Harvey over Prince. Nowadays there are really no reasons for a bachelor not to have a wide variety of music, so have it ready and be prepared to switch over to whatever your babe's whims may be and be open to her suggestions.
2. Eggs, bacon, pancake mix, milk, butter and know how to cook them. Miss October hates clothes. And it's raining. She wants to stay in your bed all day and watch football and please you in every single way possible. If you know what's good for you you'll let her dreams come true. The only way you could screw it up is to "run" to the grocery store while shes taking a shower and hear Lindsay Lohan leave a message for you on your machine. On Friday on your way home stock up. If you get lucky you'll be cooking for two. If you don't get lucky, you still have breakfast.
1. Clean towels, clean pajamas, clean sheets. You may have received a pair of pajamas just this week from Santa. Put those away for a rainy day. Miss July might dance with you on the roof of Standard tonight and it's romantic and crazed while peaking on E and downing red bull vodkas, but it's mighty cold a half hour later she's shivering next to you in the back of the cab. If you just happen to have clean towels, clean pajamas, and clean sheets back at your place, she just might take you up on the offer.
Photo by chishikilauren
