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The Stanley Cup is coming to Anaheim

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I'm so intelligent when it comes to hockey there should be a bylaw barring me from showing off like this. All of the pre-game talk yesterday was how Ottawa had all the momentum, how the Ducks defense was deflated due to Pronger's abscence, and how the hometown crowd was going to run amok with Alanis induced fever.

Who predicted a 3-1 series lead coming home on Wednesday for Game 5? Yes, probably your uncle. Perhaps your mom. Maybe even Paris Hilton. But mainly me. This is why I'm hot.

I got to get right into Don Cherry on NBC. Don, in no particular order, ripped NBC, Swedes, Dick Ebersol, the NHL, Gary Bettman and a large chunk of the continental United States. It was a thing to behold. Several of the 17 people who actually watched last night's broadcast might have been wondering who forgot to lock the front door of the local nursing home.

But I have to admit I greatly enjoyed his segment. I get Don. I grew up on Don. He's like the farting Uncle everyone laughs at despite the offensive odor. If you take Cherry with a grain of salt and do not take him too seriously he is very entertaining. At the same time, the guy is also pretty much always right when it comes to hockey.

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Come to think of it, Don and I have a lot in common. I have a brilliant hockey mind. People regularly laugh at me. I have zero fashion sense. And, I have a niece and a taste for beans.

For those of you out there that think Nancy Grace is the greatest newsperson on the planet, the tale of the game can be summarized like this: Ottawa, Anaheim, Anaheim. In other words, Ottawa rode Alanis-Mania for 20 minutes and then must have remembered that she opened for Vanilla Ice back in 1990. The last two periods were jagged little pills to swallow for Senators fans. (Sorry, I'm clearly suffering from a bad case of paronomasia.)

As usual, the actual mind-numbing details of the game can be found anywhere. The only thing I'll talk about is when Ottawa captain Daniel Alfredsson ripped a puck at Duck captain Scott Niedermayer as time expired in the second period. At that point, I knew Anaheim had won the game even though the teams were tied 2-2. This incident will be used by hockey xenophobes like Don Cherry to point out why a team captained by a European has never won the Stanley Cup.

And you thought Lou Dobbs was bad.

Now the series shifts back to Hockeyville, California for Game 5 on Wednesday. Should the Ducks pull off a series clinching victory, the Stanley Cup will be on hand and polished up like George Hamilton. I'm telling you Anaheim, this is a big deal. This is possibly bigger than Jesus. I know such claims were the kiss of death for the Beatles, but at this point the NHL could use some blasphemy. Satanists, welcome to the Coolest Game on Earth. Buy our merch. You might be interested in the New Jersey store.

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The last thing I will share with you today is that, through covering this series, I have grown a little attached to this Ducks squad. At the start, I was more or less an impartial observer. But now with the Ducks on the verge of winning the thing, I find myself cheering for Niedermayer and Co. to bring it on home.

Why? Basically because I've just about run out of witty things to say. If this series goes much longer, I'll have to start talking about left wing locks, umbrella power plays and diamond penalty kills.

*Shudder*

Win it boys.

If only to shut me up.