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The never-awarded Oscars

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Leaving Hollywood we saw a pile of fancy envelopes next to a dumpster in an alley off Selma. We braved the cast-off catering debris and found these:

The George W. Bush Award for Mispronunciation:
To Jack Nicholson, for rhyming "Capote" with "chipotle."

The James Cameron Award for Inappropriate directorial thank you:
Ang Lee to his new Oscar "I wish I knew how to quit you."

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The Effort to Make Fiction Real Award:
To the LAPD car that stopped for no reason mid-block and pulled a U-turn, causing the 4 cars behind it to slam on their brakes. We just barely avoid a Crash.

We do like her, but the You Really Like Me Sally Field Award:
Goes to Reese Witherspoon, for mattering. She really matters.