The never-awarded Oscars
Leaving Hollywood we saw a pile of fancy envelopes next to a dumpster in an alley off Selma. We braved the cast-off catering debris and found these:
The George W. Bush Award for Mispronunciation:
To Jack Nicholson, for rhyming "Capote" with "chipotle."
The James Cameron Award for Inappropriate directorial thank you:
Ang Lee to his new Oscar "I wish I knew how to quit you."
The Effort to Make Fiction Real Award:
To the LAPD car that stopped for no reason mid-block and pulled a U-turn, causing the 4 cars behind it to slam on their brakes. We just barely avoid a Crash.
We do like her, but the You Really Like Me Sally Field Award:
Goes to Reese Witherspoon, for mattering. She really matters.