Support for LAist comes from
True LA stories, powered by you
Stay Connected

Share This

News

The Cool Down

Our reporting is free for everyone, but it’s not free to make.
LAist only exists with reader support. If you're in a position to give, your donation powers our reporters and keeps us independent.

This week, meteorologists all across town and in all the major media outlets have confirmed the startling results that Los Angeles is about to be hit with "a cooling trend."Over the course of the next week, LA's temperatures will take a nose dive into the 70-degree territory, hovering in the 70-73 range through most of the week and then, once again, reaching back up to the 80's just in time for the big weekend. Meteorologists confirm that as December approaches, the cool-down will continue to exhibit these "strange trends" that result in cooler temperatures, less blinding sunny days and possibly rain.

LAist thinks meteorologists are no better than numerologists, psychologists and Nostradamus: three groups of people who all make their determinations about your future not based on fact, experience or knowledge — but something called "a hunch."

Support for LAist comes from

Those hunches, of course, are all dictated by unreliable, unproven satellites that provide printouts to our illustrious weather-people, who take them, sprinkle some tea leaves on a wet plate, and report the news. In fact, it's so easy, LAist would like to give you our own weather report for next week:

Look for a continuing cooling trend, with temperatures hovering in the high 70's to low 80's. Don't expect any rain for at least another month or so, when temperatures will take a nose dive into the high 60's. But don't fret, Angelenos — there will be some sun here and there, taking the overall mean temperature of LA to a comfortable 79.

See? LA doesn't need meteorologists. An easier to read "No Left Turn Between the Hours of 3:00 - 7:00 PM" sign on Melrose, sure. But meteorologists? Someone with the power should fire them, and replace them with psychics hell-bent on warning Angelenos from accidents that have yet to happen. At least then, there'd be a reason for the insane-mutterings of your local news staff. Thus, tea leaves and lucky guesses and "intense spiritual feelings" would be par for the course.

But when it comes to the weather? We don't think so.