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The A&E Report: No, Seriously. Vote.

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We here at the A&E Report hate to repeat ourselves. We know we already nagged you a few weeks ago about the importance of voting. But let’s face it, today is Election Day, and not just any Election Day, but a really, really big one. Election Day: Beyond Thunderdome. So rather than whine about people who can’t tell the difference between white parking zones and yellow ones or some nonsense like that, this week’s A&E Report is going to be one more massive nag-fest. So seriously, we mean it this time: vote.

For most of us, democracy comes at a pretty small price. All we have to do is walk into a booth every first Tuesday in November (or whenever Darrell Issa gets pissed off at someone) and mark up a card. Somebody else counts it, somebody else announces the winner, and somebody else makes all the laws that keep life in this country from grinding to a halt. We get democracy so cheaply because others have paid (and continue to pay) a higher price to ensure our freedom. People who don’t bother to take that twenty minutes or so out of their day to pull a few levers or ink up a few circles but still appreciate the fact that we don’t live in complete war-fueled, dog-and-cat-cohabitating anarchy are the definition of arrogant and entitled. So, this time we’re not only nagging you to vote, we’re nagging you to nag all your friends to vote, too. Okay, not just your friends, but your enemies, too. And your enemies’ friends, and your enemies’ friends’ uncles and their uncle’s barbers and anyone else you can think of. Don’t take their crap, don’t take their excuses, don’t let them ask, “Whose nephew do you not get along with?” Just take their apathetic asses to a polling place and force the inker into their grimy, unappreciative hands to give them a sense of what this country is all about. It’s easier than jamming a flag down their throat, and more effective, too.

Think about it. If you can get someone else to vote, that’s like having two votes. If you can get two people to vote, that’s like having three votes. And if you can get 400 of your friends to vote, you could’ve decided the 2000 election. That’s the right way to try to influence the vote. This is the wrong way. If there’s one thing that warms our hearts, it’s that even after the 2000 debacle, pollsters are predicting record turnout today. Despite everything that went wrong last time, despite the sneaky squash-the-vote campaigns and reports of voter intimidation around the country, despite that infamous cave-dwelling, mass-murdering jerk who wants to impact the outcome, more people than ever believe that their vote is important.

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So go to the polls, cast your ballot and then wear that “I Voted” sticker all day. Ask everyone you know if they’re planning to vote, and if they’re not, talk them into it. This election is crucial. So this time, don’t just vote, nag.