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The A&E Report: Crimp My Ride

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When the US wanted to smoke Manuel Noriega out of his Panamanian palace, they didn't use tear gas or SWAT teams. They used Oingo Boingo and AC/DC. That's because for just about anyone on the planet, the Highway to Hell is paved with whatever kind of music you don't like. So it would seem that the streets of LA are no place for Central American dictators -- or anyone else for that matter. That's because no matter where you go in this city, there's always some arrogant and entitled jerk blasting his car stereo way too loud.

Why is it that some people need the whole world to know just how good the new Nelly album is? Are they really expecting us to pull up alongside them and say, "Oh, I didn't know Christina Aguilera guested on a track. Thank you for providing this public service, kind sir!" Or maybe it has nothing to do with sharing their musical tastes with the world. They just like their music loud. Well, in that case, just pull your souped-up Honda Civic into the parking lot at the Factory and go inside. You know why the rest of us don't go to clubs? Because we don't like house music. So please, please, please turn that shit off.

There's enough noise pollution already in this city without us having to deal with those boneheads tooling around in pimped-out lowriders, whose only goal in life is to reenact the " Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang" video on a daily basis. And most of us aren't interested in the latest hits on the Latin Chart or the new Madonna remix that's all the rage in Europe, thank you very much. Listening to the radio while you're driving can be one of the few things that can make LA's daily traffic Hell a little more bearable. Listening to someone else's radio while you're driving is just one more thing that makes traffic hellish.

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If you want to have some fun with the arrogant and entitled noise polluters on LA's streets, just arm yourself with a copy of "Mary Kate & Ashley's Greatest Hits", and the next time you're treated to an unrequested airing of some howling, tuneless Limp Bizkit-type crap rock cranked up to 11, just pull up next to the A&E asshole and blast "I am the Cute One", so they'll be forced to listen to something they don't like. And for a brief moment, it'll feel like justice.

... at least until they turn their radio up even louder to drown you out.