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News

Terrible News For People Opposed To Putting Baby In Corner: Patrick Swayze Has Cancer?

By  Ross A. Lincoln
Published Mar 4, 2008 11:00 PM
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UPDATE: Damn it, it's confirmed:

A press release issued by the actor's spokesperson Wednesday said: “Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is currently undergoing treatment. Patrick’s physician Dr. George Fisher states

The Good news?

‘Patrick has a very limited amount of disease and he appears to be responding well to treatment thus far. All of the reports stating the timeframe of his prognosis and his physical side effects are absolutely untrue. We are considerably more optimistic.’

If the reliable folks at Transworld News (Home of the National Enquirer) can be believed, Patrick Swayze will soon be the
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tragic recipient of terrible jokes just like the one in this post's title:
Patrick Swayze, best known for his role in Dirty Dancing, has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told that he has just five weeks to live. Swayze, 55, has been sick with the disease since he was diagnosed in late January with pancreatic cancer. The cancer has since spread to other organs and now the actor/dancer is dying.

For those of you who don't know, pancreatic cancer is to other forms of cancer what AIDS is to "feeling under the weather." It's a terribly painful, fast acting plague with extremely dismal recovery prospects. Expect to suffer enormously and die fast.

This rumor is fresh out of the oven and so far, it hasn't been confirmed by Swayze's camp. Those of us who still watch Roadhouse, Steel Dawn, and Red Dawn regularly and keep hoping for another Donnie Darko level appearance, will be holding out hope that the avalanche of Dirty Dancing and Ghost puns can be put off for at least a few more years.

In a bizarre (and tragic) convergence, fellow Roadhouse alum, musician Jeff Healy died this week of, you guessed it, Cancer. Here's a fervent prayer that Sam "Uncomfortably Evident Pubes" Elliot isn't next on the reaper's clipboard.

Meanwhile, in Honor of Pat, sound off in comments with your favorite quotes from his long, extremely uneven film career. Mine?

Evil Roadhouse henchman: "I used To Fuck guys Like You in Prison"
Patrick: Go fuck yourseIf. (Rips ERH's throat out with bare hands.)

Photo courtesy of AP

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