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Pigskin Pick 'Em

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This Sunday promises to be the most wonderful time of the year, and that can only mean one thing: Nipplegate II. Yes, Super Bowl Sunday is here in full force, and LAist just can’t wait to see what Paul McCartney does to top Janet Jackson’s ode to the FCC halftime set from a year ago.

LAist is ready for some football, and happy to report that we will be watching every single second of the 8 hour pregame show, catheter in hand and enemas at the ready. (And if you’re an advertiser, it costs 70 grand a second to get into this party thank you very much…but what the hell, it’s the Super Bowl! Charge it!)

Yes, rare is the sporting event that is hyped more than this one, and LAist is keenly aware that in a few days’ time most of our loyal readers will be downright sick of the tear-jerker features, playbook breakdowns and general malaise brought about by your basic paralysis by analysis. So that’s why we're running ahead of the pack and putting our reputation on the line now. The unwashed masses can take all the time they want. We already have the answer, and we’re not afraid to say it. Hey, we’re trendsetters, we can’t help it. So without further ado, here’s how LAist breaks down Super Sunday:

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Patriots win.

That’s all you need to know. Sure, we could happily crank out our own in-depth examination of this game, show you some flashy X’s and O’s, do a little name dropping and then finally reveal our prediction, but we don’t see the logic behind this. So do yourself a favor and forget about Terrell Owens’ Willis Reed impression and Jim Johnson’s masterful defensive schemes. Just remember this:

Patriots win.

It’s that simple. Trust us: this contributor has spent a lot of time intimately involved with the National Football League. We’ve spoken with all of the personalities on hand both on and off the record and this is the only conclusion that makes sense.

Please understand, we are not fans of the New England franchise. On occasion they have pounded our own favorite team mercilessly, and we have had several less than friendly exchanges with their head coach, Bill Belichick. So it considerably pains us to pay them this ultimate compliment:

They are one of the best teams we’ve ever seen.

That’s why they will win Sunday. And that’s why LAist thinks they are the team to beat next year too.

Almost forgot: they’ll cover. And take the under.

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