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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. Sign up for her newsletter and have it sent to you every week. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
Dear Jen,
My problem seems to be that I'm simply not attracted to women my age (with a few exceptions), and the younger women I am attracted to want nothing but platonic relationships with me. My friends try to make helpful suggestions because they know I'm lonely, however these suggestions seem either unpromising or degrading.
By "unpromising," I mean the suggestion that I "become attracted to" available women in my own age bracket. I don't know how to do that. Either you make my toes tingle or you don't. And, frankly, at my age it's necessary to be attracted to have any faith in my male anatomy doing its job.
As far as a "degrading" suggestion - it's always the same words: "You need to lower you standards." So I finally hook up and people say, "Oh, good! You've lowered your standards!" An insult to me and her both.
I'm out there where I can be found. I work on a college campus. It's not like I'm hiding in my room. I could have another 20-30 years of decent sexual ability in me, but it's looking like it's going to be me and the DVD.Dear Growing,
As one of the founding members of the D.O.L.C (Dirty Old Ladies Club), allow me to raise a glass with you to the youngsters, to their soft, nubile skin-so-tight you could bounce Daddy's credit card off it, their CD collections, their still-developing minds that are blown away by statements like, "I own a washer/dryer - you can do your laundry at my house." You get to be the worldly one, the one with more sexual experience, the one who saw Depeche Mode their first time around. It's hot.
Anyone who says they don't find young people sexy is lying, plain and simple. Wanting to wake up next to them everyday is a different story, however. It's hella exhausting keeping up with the trends and, as older people, we just can't text message that quickly. Then there are all the growing pains, angst, insecurity - It was finally enough to make me step down from my seat atop the D.O.L.C. I love me some chitlins, but I'm more interested in tackling male pattern balding than all that drizzama these days. (Don't worry Jake G., I could change back at anytime).
Surely there are young girls out there who are attracted to old guys - if that wasn't the case, the majority of the male population would be single! Just because you want something you're not getting doesn't mean you have to start wanting something else. It means you have to be realistic. Get your old ass to the gym, get your bank account in shape, hone your knowledge of youth culture, start a blog, get a Myspace page, make friends with other dirty old men and ask their girlfriends to set you up. Do not hit on your students - that is super creepy and gross. And do think about what you find so appealing about all this. The physical attraction is obvious, but it often goes hand in hand with a serious case of arrested development. Candy looks good and tastes great, but it doesn't nourish us or help us grow. If "lowering your standards" means dating a woman who is emotionally mature, who will challenge and understand you, and who is your peer, not your puppet, perhaps you're more turned off by the fact that she'll make you grow up, rather than the fact that she can hold a couple pencils under her boobs. Just something to consider.
