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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. Sign up for her newsletter and have it sent to you every week. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
Dear Jen,
I recently started dating my first woman and I am so into her! The problem is she's a real player, has been with a ton of women and doesn't intend to stop anytime soon. She's into me too and has pursued me, but I don't know how close I should get to her. I feel like I could easily fall for her, especially since she's the first woman I've considered having sex with. Should I go for it or should I run?
- Wanna Play One on One
Dear One,
I wonder if other, less-spoiled cultures have the same kind of problems ours does when it comes to stuff like this. As Americans we want ours, and we want it now. And it better be big. And better than his. We're raised to feel entitled, to want lots of stuff and to seek instant gratification - long term results be damned. Most of us only speak our native tongue, know diddly about world politics and would rather fill our lungs with sludge than park the car and take the bus.
My father, on the other hand, was born and raised in Naples, Italy in the 20's. He rode his bike through bomb drop areas as a kid, hauling huge water bottles back to his family who lived, of course, on top of a mountain. A steep one. He came to America in his early 20s and put himself through medical school in a language he barely understood. He walked twenty miles to and from school, in the snow.....One time, whilst suffering through my sophomore year at a fancy private college, I told him I wanted to go to therapy and asked him if he'd help cover the cost. His response? "You don't need therapy. You know what you need? You need a war fought on your soil."
Even though Dad could use more than just a smidge of the therapy himself, he did have a good point. We're so wrapped up in our problems, and the minutia of our every day lives, that we have trouble seeing the big picture. I bet that if I was an advice columnist in Italy, in the 20's, dodging bombs on the way to the coffee shop with my computer, I wouldn't be getting so many letters like yours. And when I say like yours, I mean letters where a disastrous situation is presented, but the person writing doesn't want to see it because something irresistible is standing in front of it.
Opening up your heart and your legs to a woman who has, in no uncertain terms, told you you are just another piece of meat in her sexy lady stew is....I'll let you fill in the blank. You can do it, and it will probably be one of the hottest nights of your life, but don't come whining to me, or my Dad, when you need someone to help you pay for the therapy.
