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Living In Sin: Where Was I?

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. Sign up for her newsletter and have it sent to you every week. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.

Dear Jen,
I saw a "Women who squirt" porn with my boyfriend and I could not believe my eyes. Then I saw that you wrote about it in your column -- how come I've never heard of this until now? Better yet, how come we don't learn about this in sex ed?
- Disconnected From my Vagina

Dear Vagina,
Did you ever see that documentary called "Sick"? It's about the now-deceased performance artist and S&M enthusiast Bob Flanagan. He had Cystic Fibrosis (the disease that fills your lungs up with fluid and tries to drown you) and explains in the movie that he got into S&M because inflicting pain on himself was a way to regain some control over his diseased body. He did things like nail his dick to a board, have his girlfriend stuff giant metal balls up his butt and perform a piece at MOCA where he was periodically slowly hoisted up from behind a wall in the museum by his ankles, naked. Thank you, MOCA. Thank you, Bob.

Apparently the upside down and naked hanging thing started when he was a youngster. In the movie, he tells how he used to hole up in his room and beat himself while hanging from hooks in his ceiling. They cut back and forth from Bob telling this story to his astonished, elderly mother repeating over and over, "Where was I? Where was I?"

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You and your vagina remind me of Mrs. Flanagan and Bob, respectively. You're so right, if only both of you had had some sort of class that enlightened you to all the millions of places sex and sex organs can take you -- Mrs. Flanagan could have left sandwiches outside young Bob's door for him to eat after all his hard work and you could have been writing your name in the snow (you can teach yourself how to ejaculate, btw).