Living in Sin: When the Big O is a Zero
Jen Sincero is a sexpert, musician, and the author of the bestselling book, The Straight Girl’s Guide To Sleeping With Chicks and the semi-autobiographical novel, Don’t Sleep With Your Drummer. She currently hosts the weekly sex talk radio show Dr. Happypants on killradio.org. Every week in Living in Sin, Jen provides advice for LA's sexually confused and curious.
Got a question for Jen? Ask her. We promise to be discreet — all questions will be posted anonymously.
Dear Jen: Is there any way to tell if a woman is faking an orgasm?
You know, there probably is, but it no doubt requires complicated neurological monitoring devices, goggles, and a divining rod. For even I, The Worst Actress In The World, have managed to pull it off undetected in the rare, uninspired moment. I've also been on the other end, heard women say things like, "member that time I chewed a hole through your pillow, asshole? I was faking it!" I really had no idea.
You could feel for contractions down there, monitor her heart rate and breathing, and dissect the sincerity of her screaming "Sweet Jesus YES!," but who wants to be at the science lab when you could be at the party?
Besides, I think the real question here is not is she faking it, but why is she faking it? If you know why, you're not only closer to finding out if, but, more importantly, to discovering how to improve your sex life so she doesn't ever have to again.
Here are some common reasons that a zero might masquerade as an O:
- She wants to get it the hell over with because she’s tired, bored,
not feeling it, etc.
- You suck in bed and she wants to make you feel studly.
- She sucks in bed and wants to appear more studly.
- She's doesn't know how to have an orgasm and she feels ashamed.
- She's on anti-depressants or some other drug that makes it hard for her to get there.
- She was at the point of orgasm, but then lost it, and it got so far away that it seemed like it would take hours to get it back, so she just opted to fake it and maybe try again later.
In the end, it always comes down to good old communication. The female bell ringer can be pretty squirrely and require a lot of concentration, so the more you know about what she needs, the better.