Living in Sin: truth in boob-vertising
Jen Sincero is a sexpert, musician, and the author of the bestselling book, The Straight Girl’s Guide To Sleeping With Chicks and the semi-autobiographical novel, Don’t Sleep With Your Drummer. She currently hosts the weekly sex talk radio show Dr. Happypants on killradio.org. Every week in Living in Sin, Jen provides advice for LA's sexually confused and curious.
Got a question for Jen? Ask her. We promise to be discreet — all questions will be posted anonymously.
Dear Jen: While I was bra shopping, not for anything fancy, just for a regular, everyday bra, I came across one that was...WOW! Bazooms city! I thought that maybe I'd like to hit the town looking that stacked, but then I began to worry: what if I meet a guy who likes cleavage-me, and when we get intimate, the bra comes off, and the bazooms vamoose? In this city with millions of dollars worth of fake boobage bouncing around, is it better to buy a bra that competes and worry about the (ahem) fallout later, or is the false advertising just not worth it?
- Never Been D
Dear Never Been D,
As anyone who's ever been to a good drag show, or who's ever disco danced at a tranny bar knows, most trannies put most biological women to shame in the "I am a hot-ass hoochie mama" department. They dress it up, stick it out, and parade it around like the hard-earned altar to femininity that it is. Their take on womanhood is fun, fierce, and as girly as it gets - I don't care how big the dick dangling between their legs may be.
Meanwhile, those of us who've been in more long-term relationships with our girl bodies run the risk of taking them more for granted. I mean, I work it, I look good most of the time, but sometimes I feel like my boobs and I are like an old married couple. I assume that they'll always just be there, hanging around, and tend to only dress them up and take them out on special occasions.
So please, buy that bra, woman. Think of it as your tranny fairy godmother. And don't worry about seeming insincere. It's just like putting on make-up, high heels, a baseball cap over a bald head, or padding your resume - whatever gives you the confidence to get out there and show yourself to the world is a good thing. The real beauty lies beneath anyway, the rest is just a bunch of shiny bits to attract attention, and make yourself feel fancy, until you can get your foot in the door.
Here's the thing though. There's a difference between dressing up and covering up. The first one is a celebration of what's there and all its potential, while the latter is about shame and denial. You have to make sure that you love whatever boobage lies beneath the bra, because if Mr. Cleavage takes it off and you're embarrassed, so will he be too.
So have fun with it, love thy beautiful self, and always put your best boob forward.