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Living in Sin: Thin line between love and hate
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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice for LA's sexually curious. Now you can see her column in print in the LA Alternative Press. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
Dear Jen, My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. We have broken up over and over in that amount of time, and we recently had a big fight that I think has broken us up for good — I just found out that she went on a date with another chick and kissed her, and we'd only been broken up for a matter of days! She still wants me back, and I still love her, but I'm pissed off at her. What should I do? Do you think I should try and work things out, or just forget about her and move on?
- Thin Line Between Love and Hate
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Dear Thin Line,
When I was little, my younger brother and I had this routine where he'd come up and poke me in the arm, and I'd turn around and send him flying across the room. He'd howl his head off for a couple of minutes, wipe away the tears, and then come over and poke me in the arm again. This would go on for hours until he got bored or it was time for dinner, but Mom never stepped in because, "it was just too incredible. I either had to let him figure it out on his own, or worry that I had a severe moron for a child." After about a year he grew out of it, which is the big difference between my story and yours, since it says here that you're closing in on year three. That and the fact that my brother was still in diapers, and I'm assuming you've been granted the right to vote.
Your letter amazes me because it poses a much bigger question than the one it's asking: Why is it that most of us "grown ups" can't see a problem even if it's sitting right there on our own faces? Our friends can see it no problemo, and we can see theirs, but we lose all sense of sight, sound, and dignity when it comes to our most blazingly obvious bad decisions. Especially if the sex is really hot.
Believe me, I'm in no position to judge you on this — my friends have been rolling their eyes at me for years — but I'm flabbergasted by the realization of just how blind we all can be. Or rather how blind we choose to be. Because a lot of our questions are as complex as: I'm hitting myself in the head with a hammer and it really hurts. Should I stop? We know the answer, but in order to stay in the comfort zone of familiar wrongs that have been done to us in the past, or to validate our feelings of unworthiness, we fuzz it all up with stuff about missing the hammer and worrying that the muscle tone in our swinging
arm will be compromised. Silly, ain't it?
Your relationship is a whole lot of drama with some shredded drama sprinkled on top, cooked in a heavy drama sauce and baked in a drama pan. Methinks perhaps you've been raised on this diet, but it's time
to change your ways. Miss Kissedanotherchick has given you a great gift by pissing you off — she's given you the much-needed strength to give her the old heave ho. Don't wait around and get sucked back in by hot make-up sex — get while the gettins good!
photo by sillygwailo via flickr
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