Living in Sin: The Thin Line
Jen Sincero is a musician, sexpert, and the author of the bestselling book, The Straight Girl’s Guide To Sleeping With Chicks and the semi-autobiographical novel, Don’t Sleep With Your Drummer. She currently hosts a weekly sex talk radio show called Dr. Happypants on killradio.org.
Living in Sin is her weekly advice column for LA's sexually curious, confused and constipated. Got a question for Jen? Ask her. We promise to be discreet (all questions will be posted anonymously).
There's this straight girl at the gym that I'm attracted to. She acts really nervous around me (I'm androgynous, lean, muscular, obviously a lesbian). She's skittish and switches her gaze away if we make eye contact, which is often. I'm not certain if she's interested or homophobic, but the energy between us is intense.
We've never spoken, but we're both painfully aware of each other's whereabouts at all times. Recognize that I'm a big introvert and a tough read, and she probably thinks I hate her since I obviously avoid her. I want to put a note on her stairmaster that says "Truce." I feel like I'm in 5th grade again.Any idea on how to approach her to find out if she's interested?
It's a thin line between love and homophobia. And a blurry one between mature and juvenile. You pretty much nailed it when you mentioned 5th grade - WTF? What is it about sexual attraction, an allegedly "adult" experience, that sends many of us screaming back to the playground?
The problem is, you're not in fifth grade anymore, which means you don't have the next five years to ignore her, flick boogers at her, or hang her by her undies in the locker room in hopes that when the big day comes, she'll go to the prom with you.
Guessing what someone else is thinking is high on my Big Fat Waste Of Time list. You need to get on with it woman! Introvert shmintrovert - you're being a weenie. Not to say that it's not scary, because it is, but what's more scary than not living your life? And how often do you meet someone who makes you sweat before you get on the stairmaster?
If the elephant in the room is indeed as large as you say it is, she won't find it strange if you go up and introduce yourself. Perhaps you'll laugh about the intense non-back and forths you've had. Perhaps it'll be the most awkward five seconds of your life and you'll turn to the heavens, fist in the air, screaming "damn you Jen Sincero!" Perhaps she'll recoil in terror, covering her eyes and holding her breath, so as not to get any of your scary lesbo cooties on her.All I know is that if you do get up the cojones to break the ice, regardless of what happens, you will have conquered a fear, which is always cause for celebration. And you will have made a new friend, acquaintance, lover, enemy, whatever - at least you'll know where you stand, which means you can begin focusing your energy in the right direction, rather than wasting it by treading water in the kiddy pool.
Got a question for Jen? Ask her.