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Living In Sin: Slow Motion Mojo

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. You can see her column in print in the LA Alternative Press, or have it sent to you every week by signing up for her newsletter. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.

Dear Jen,
I'm a girl who needs help making my new girlfriend move faster in bed. She's too shy to do much, but allows me to do whatever I want to her. She pretty much won't do anything to me unless I ask her to. What can I do to get her to stop being so shy?
- Alpha Girl

Dear Girl,
I'm going to a karaoke birthday party tonight and I'm dreading it. I love the people who are throwing it, and they have excellent friends, it's just that I hate doing karaoke. I love watching it, but the thought of standing up there singing along to cheesy music freaks me out. I'm not sure about my motivation - am I supposed to be serious? Am I kidding? What do I do with my arms? It wouldn't be so bad if people would just let you be, but there's nothing as tenacious as the drunken karaoke crowd. They're obsessed with group participation, and exhibit a righteous expectation found only at fraternity hazings and amongst religious fanatics - they can not, will not, rest until everyone gets on the mic.

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Meanwhile, back in the days when I sang in a punk band, I'd get naked and spit fake blood on the crowd. My friends who are privy to this information are indignant when I refuse their karaoke advances, but what can I say? I'm shy when it comes to karaoke. Go figure.

Your girl may just be shy about sex. Either that, or she may just need some time to get used to new territory. This is a brand new relationship fer feks sake, you need to slow your roll, sister. Sticking an unwanted fire under her ass will only burn her, and burn you in return. Be grateful that she's not too shy to do what you tell her to, shower her with compliments, and, if you're lucky, somewhere down the road, she'll be singing "Love To Love You Baby" at the top of her lungs.