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Living in Sin: Rules of Attraction

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually curious. You can see her column in print, too, in the LA Alternative Press. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.

Dear Jen,

I'm a straight male in my late thirties who seems to attract bi-sexual women. My most recent girlfriend was older than I am, but I was her first male lover. Another girlfriend was experienced with men, but it eventually became clear that she had the hots for her female roommate. Nothing happened between them, unfortunately, at least while we were together. Then there is a bi friend of mine who acts very jealous when she sees me show interest in other women, but who hasn't dated men since I've known her, only women.

What does this say about me? I'm open to their experimentation, especially if it includes me, but I want to know what I'm getting into early on, and am beginning to think I should ask the orientation question on the first or second date.

- Dude Feels Like A Lady

Dear Dude,

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Did you ever take a moment to marvel at the fact that geese can migrate over entire continents, way up high in the air, no maps, no walkie talkies, and find their way back to the same lakes and ponds, year after year? They just instinctively know where to go somehow. Meanwhile, we humans can't even find someone at the airport without calling them ten times to make sure we know exactly which curb they're waiting by. But this doesn't mean we're totally out of touch with our inner GPS systems — give us an unhealthy relationship pattern, or a need to sabotage our careers, and we hit the bulls-eye, over and over, every time. Not only that, but we then act like victims of circumstance, rather than own up to the fact that we seek these situations out. Like it happened to us, rather than because of us. Why can't we be more like the birds? When's the last time you heard a goose talking about how amazing it is that the same lake finds him year after year?

So, first, I think we need to acknowledge the fact that your 6th sense is on the lookout for bi-enthusiastic women. You may feel like they glom on to you, but I bet if we took twenty straight chicks and one bi one, dressed them up like chickens, gave you a net and dressed you up like Colonel Sanders, you'd catch the bi bird. Never underestimate the power of intuition.

Luckily, in your case, your instincts seem to be working in your favor. From the sound of it, you rather enjoy being with experimental ladies, especially if you can get in on a piece of the action. I don't see anything wrong with this, so I'm not sure why you'd want to interrogate them over your first bowl of pasta together. That sounds kind of icky and accusatory to me. I think it would make much more sense to just admit that this is what you're into, stop bragging about all the girl-on-girl action you're getting, and thank your lucky stars that your honing devices are working with such flawless precision.

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