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Living In Sin: No Such Thing As Safe Sex

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. You can see her column in print in the LA Alternative Press, or have it sent to you every week by signing up for her newsletter. Ask Jenyour questions: all are posted anonymously.


Dear Jen,
My last romantic encounter was at a night club. These two guys that were dancing with me wanted to take me home and give me a two-for-one deal, so to speak. They were both super sexy, but I declined because I was afraid. Two guys and one girl - they could've been the Ted Bundy duo for all I knew! I did make out with both of them at the club, but I knew I could get the bouncer to kick them out if it got too crazy.

Part of me really regrets not going home with them. I don't know when I'll get a chance like that again, since it's hard to find men that are that up for two guys and one girl. My question is, how do I have fun while making sure I'm getting into a safe situation?
- Safe and a Little Sorry

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Dear Sorry,
Ain't life so unfair? A guy who gets hit on by two girls doesn't have to worry about this kind of crap.

Violence-prone, rape-lovin men ruin the fun for everyone. They're the reason I don't go camping alone. They're also why so many perfectly nice guys are stranded for hours by the side of the road with their thumbs sticking out. All three of you missed out on a potentially rip-roaring evening - but what to do? Take them to a friend's house and ask her to keep her ear by the door just in case? Carry around pepper spray and a baseball bat? Ask the bouncer at the bar if he wants to make an extra hundred bucks and get to see a really good show?

I have no idea, so I'll do what I usually do when I'm stumped. I'll quote threeway expert, Helen Keller:

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature,
Nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and
behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.

Helen's right - we really never are safe (aren't the majority of women raped by someone they already know?) At the end of the day, there are no guarantees, so you just have to decide if the experience is worth the risk. And try to tap into your instincts as best you can - if it feels weird, don't do it. Regardless of how good a kisser it is.