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Living in Sin: newly single mom
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Jen Sincero is a sexpert, musician, and the author of the bestselling book, The Straight Girl’s Guide To Sleeping With Chicks and the semi-autobiographical novel, Don’t Sleep With Your Drummer. She currently hosts the weekly sex talk radio show Dr. Happypants on killradio.org. Every week in Living in Sin, Jen provides advice for LA's sexually curious.
Got a question for Jen? Ask her. We promise to be discreet — all questions will be posted anonymously.
I am a 22 year-old single woman. My boyfriend and I just broke up, and we have a 12 month-old son together. I've been attracted to other women since high school, but have never had the guts to further explore my curiosity. I really want to try it now, but things are more complicated because I have a son. Do I explore my fantasies, or bottle them up and live a normal, heterosexual life?
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If your idea of a normal, heterosexual life is humping the back of your couch after little Timmy's hottypants mom drops him off for playgroup, then go for it. But wouldn't it be so much more fun to make out with her instead?
More of Jen's answer after the jump.
If your feelings about this are as strong as they sound like they are, you're headed for a long, unsatisfied life of what-ifs if you let your fears rule your decisions. I understand not wanting to drag your son through your experimentation process, but he's one-year old. In his mind, you are a pair of boobs, and as long as the boobs show up when he calls them, he doesn't care who else has been playing with them.
I think the real fear here is that you'll discover you like women better than you like men, and that you'll subject your son to growing up in a lesbian family. While this can be a challenge in our poor, dimwitted society, it beats the hell out of having a mommy who's addicted to painkillers because she's so miserable in her normal, heterosexual life. Your life matters too, and if you want to raise a kid who does what's in his heart and who's proud of who he is, then you should lead by example.
There was a time when women couldn't wear pants, African Americans had to sit in the back of the bus, and orange juice was just for breakfast. The change started with a few, brave souls who stepped outside the norm and got the ball rolling. By adding to the growing number of gay and lesbian families, you'd be doing a public service, helping to stretch the tiny, terrified minds of people who think that them thar queers outta be hosed off and locked up somewhere.
Nothing makes happy children like happy parents. So if it turns out that you wind up finding true love with another woman, how excellent for both you and your son that you had the guts to seek her out.
Last week one of our readers wrote that Living in Sin "may not be for tackling the huge issues, but it appears to be tackling ONLY issues of female bicuriosity or, maybe if we're lucky, some other female-centered topic that might give a straight guy a boner." And that's just not true; Jen is here to answer all sorts of questions about all kinds of sexuality. So ask away. All questions will be posted anonymously.
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