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Living in Sin: Monster Cock Viewing Hour

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Jen Sincero is a musician, sexpert, and the author of the bestselling book, The Straight Girl’s Guide To Sleeping With Chicks and the semi-autobiographical novel, Don’t Sleep With Your Drummer. She currently hosts a weekly sex talk radio show called Dr. Happypants on killradio.org.

Living in Sin is her weekly advice column for LA's sexually curious, confused and constipated. Got a question for Jen? Ask her. We promise to be discreet (all questions will be posted anonymously).

Dear Jen,
I'm writing because so many sexperts say that size doesn't matter, and while this may be true in the straight world, as a minimally-endowed gay man, I can tell you that for homosexuals, size counts. A lot.

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I compensate for my lack of size with creativity and compassion, but it's still embarrassing, no matter how self-confident I am, especially when I first become intimate with someone. Do you have any advice for me? I'm happy with who I am, I just wish I could find another guy who could love the whole package.

First of all, there are size queens aplenty in the straight community. I know a particularly loud and proud one who subjects the most equestrian of her conquests to her Polaroid camera, and me to the photos the very next morning, over coffee, way before monster cock viewing hour. She finds anything smaller than a baseball bat beneath her. She also finds herself alone a lot. And dating a lot of jerks. And no doubt very sore. Yet even she has confessed that she'd forgo the hummer for the minivan in a heart beat if it was the right guy. And trust me, she is more of a gay man than all the gay men I know put together.

I do sympathize with you, and I salute your self-confidence and creativity, but just like all of the fabulous people out there with fat asses, saggy tits, hairy backs, bald heads, and every other socially-unacceptable body trait, I urge you to love your weenie as much as you love yourself. Because if you don't, you're contributing to the lie that all bodies must look a certain way or be banished from the land of desire! Who decided what was "desirable" anyway? And why is everyone believing it??!

I'll tell you why: because people are lemmings. Which means if you act like it's sexy, they'll act like it's sexy, if you act embarrassed, so will they. Yes, there will be those too caught up in the hype to appreciate you, but I don't believe we care about these people.

At the end of the day, you want someone who's concerned with the size of your love and your filthy mind, not with you being able to take out ten adults in a crowded room should you accidentally become aroused. So get to know each other a bit, walk, don't run, to nakedville, and love every inch of your fine self.

Got a question for Jen? Ask her.

Previous Sins.