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Living in Sin: like a virgin

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually curious. Now you can see her column in print, too, in the LA Alternative Press. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.

Dear Jen,

I'm a virgin who's never slept with a man or a woman (though I'm interested in both). I want to save my, um, penetration virginity until I get married, and am thinking my best bet would be to get a girlfriend. Could I have the fullest sex life possible with a female lover without involving any penetration?

- No Go In My Hole

Dear No Go,

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The fullest sex life? No. A fully hot one? Sure. You could have a pretty ripper one with a guy too. Or two guys. And two girls. And a police uniform. And some shackles and a ping pong paddle or two. Your clit is an outdoor pet, and since she's pretty much the ring leader when it comes to female sexual pleasure, keeping your insides off limits can still make for a pretty fun party.

I think it's real important to wait until you're good and ready to do whatever it is that you need to be good and ready to do. So I'm glad to hear you talking like this. But should your hole in the wall start screaming out for some company before anyone gets down on bended knee, I really hope you go ahead and stick something up there. I respect you wanting to wait, I just don't get the point if you find yourself ready,
willing, and able. Because I can't for the life of me understand the whole virgin thing. According to the rules, you could invite the entire population of Texas to line up and take turns fiddling around with your sexy bits, but as long as Mr. Johnson doesn't stick your V-shaped hat on his head, you're still a virgin? A pure, wholesome, good little girl?

Plus, as someone who's walked the earth for several decades without ever having said, "I do," it seems such an odd goal. What if you don't find a spouse until you're forty? Fifty? Ever?

I guess I can see how saving oneself could be a nice, romantic idea if you're under, say, twenty-three, but once you start piling on the years, it would start getting real old. And real hard. Real fast. Nature hates a vacuum. And honey, so do I. I wish you the best of luck!