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Living In Sin: Lazy Lays

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. You can see her column in print in the LA Alternative Press, or have it sent to you every week by signing up for her newsletter. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously

Dear Jen,
My boyfriend and I get along really well and are wicked attracted to each other, but we're both lazy when it comes to being in charge sexually. We're both dyed-in-the-wool bottoms, and have argued more than once about who has to do all the work. Every once in a while I get motivated, but I love to lie around and be serviced. Problem is, so does he. If we could have sex without either one of us having to move, we'd be in heaven! It gets really bad if we've been partying (the laziness, I mean), which we kind of do a lot. Do you have any suggestions?
- Do Me, Just Don't Wake Me Up

Dear Wake Me,
Put down the bong, drink a nice big cup of coffee and figure out what's more important to you: sleeping off your hangover while having sex, or being with this guy. For some people, their topness or bottomness is an integral part of their beings, as un-negotiable as my Uncle Clem's love for my Aunt Ida's veal scallopini, manicotti, chicken parmesan, brocciole, gnocchi with spicy sausage in cream sauce, tiramisu, cannolis and everything else responsible for the big-fat-mafioso-so-tight-with-gas-he-can-barely-speak-above-a-Godfather-whisper stereotype. Clem had four open-heart surgeries, and was two-hundred pounds overweight when he died at fifty-three. His doctor told him that his heart was the size of a Buick, and that if he didn't lay off the sauce, he'd be dead before he grew wrinkles around his eyes. Clem responded, in his wheelchair, napkin defiantly tucked under his chin, that he'd rather die happy than thin. And so he did.