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Living In Sin: Lust Hangover

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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,
I was on assignment last week with a junior colleague (she’s 25, I’m 29). Every time we go away she insists we get drunk together, and I've gone along with it because I have this secret fantasy that she'll take advantage of me. Anyway, we were busily doing so the other night, and I can't exactly remember how, but we ended up in bed, naked, going for it as best we could in our respective scotch-induced stupors. This continued well into the morning until our shy, painfully-awkward farewell. I'm not sure when our next assignment together will be and what could happen.

I'm married, but my husband has no problem in theory with me sleeping with chicks (this is one sided, I don't want him sleeping with other women, and he's not into dudes). In fact, he loves the whole idea. She's single but infatuated with her flatmate. Right now I can't eat, sleep or think about anything else and I want to see her again, or at least talk about it (or drag her into the nearest bar/toilet cubicle/alleyway and have her up against the wall then and there). She's not a talker, and we work in different places, so getting her alone again isn't guaranteed. There's no future in this and I feel it’s unfair to her and my husband to pursue it. Yet I’m sitting in my office thinking how soft her skin felt and how I wanted to scream every time she kissed my neck.

Here's my question: how do I live through however long it takes to get her out of my head?
- Jonesing for Junior

Dear Junior,
I would like to take a moment to applaud all the fine people in the S&M world who take great joy in torturing themselves. They don’t whine and moan about the fact that they repeatedly find themselves pinned beneath a stiletto heel, hog tied and degraded with jumper cables on their nipples. Instead they say, “thank you ma’am, may I have another?” They show off the hand prints on their asses with pride. They have parties in dungeons about it.

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The rest of us also walk into our various torture chambers wide awake and aware of the consequences, only we emerge guilt ridden and bemoaning our pathetic situations. Makes me wonder who the real masochists are? It's like eating an entire cherry pie while freaking out about how someone could sail across the ocean on your ass. What's the point?

You are doing much the same thing, only you're adding an extra helping of self-imposed guilt. Your lady friend is a grown-up, you're a grown up, your husband is bragging about it to his buddies as I write this - so why are you asking me how to stop thinking about her? Aren't you really asking, "can I do it again, ma? Huh? Can I?"

Your trepidation about getting too sucked in by the whole situation makes sense, but you already are, no? So what do you have to lose? I'd have a serious talk with your husband, and yourself, about the risks involved. You say he has no problem with it "in theory" - how about finding out how he feels about it in real life? You may be pleasantly surprised.

As far as the girl goes, as long as you're honest with her, she's responsible for her own decisions. The real issue is with your marriage. If it turns out that it is indeed too much for you guys to handle, you will live through it. You'll just be living through it with your hand down your pants.

photo by net_efekt's via flickr