Living In Sin: Friends Without Benefits
Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. Sign up for her newsletter and have it sent to you every week. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
I came out a few months ago. The night I told my friend Pam about my sexuality we'd been flirting all evening, and she made a half-joking remark along the lines of: "is this your way of saying you have feelings for me?" I said, "so what if I do?" and she looked deep into my eyes and said, "you had me from hello." After that, for the rest of the evening her flirting stepped up a notch. But since that night, she's been very absent in our friendship.
About a month ago, we went on a trip to California as part of a big group of friends. For the majority of the trip, she totally ignored me...that is until the last full day. Then she was glued to my side and overly attentive. She cuddled up next to me and kept pressing body parts close to me. At one point, I really had to fight the urge to kiss her senseless because of her close proximity. That night, we walked around San Francisco and had a great time...until she asked what my favorite part of the trip had been. I told her the truth, that it was something I had done without her...seeing the ocean. After that, she was suddenly in a hurry to get back to the hotel to our separate rooms. The entire flight home, I got the cold shoulder and ever since we returned, I haven't been able to get her out of my head or get a response to any emails or phone calls. My friends keep telling me I should tell her my feelings, but I'm afraid of ruining our already fragile friendship. What do I do?
- Unfriendly Friend
The bad news is you're hooked on someone who's fully freaked about her sexuality. The good news is you could make a killing writing for a soap opera.
Can you imagine how healthy we'd all be if we analyzed every single thing we put in our mouths the way we do this crap? Or how organized, on-time and lint-free we'd be? You could put a gun to my head right now and demand to know where my car keys are and I'd be a goner, but ask me exactly how long the guy I'm lusting after looked me in the eye last night, without blinking, while speaking the 27 syllable greeting he gave me, which was an encouraging 11 syllables more than the last greeting I got from him, and I could tell you. We are at the top of the food chain, and this is how we spend our time. They should have given thumbs to the goat.
Anyway, yes, please, tell her how you feel, jump her bones, show up at her doorstep naked with a bow on your head. Your friendship is a big steaming pile at this point anyway, so you have nothing to lose. Except your big chance to prove to yourself that you're not afraid to go after what you want. Life is short and people who really frizzle your nizzle are few and far between. You had her at hello (did she say that for real?!), so go get her.