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Living In Sin: Ex Friends
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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.
Dear Jen,
I broke up with my boyfriend of two years a few weeks ago and it's been incredibly hard. I'm glad we broke up because we weren't making each other happy, but there are still so many things I miss about him. I wish I could talk to him about how sad I am but I know I shouldn't.
For the moment I'm staying away, but I hate the thought of him not being in my life at all. Do you think it's possible to be friends down the road with someone you were in love with? I'm not friends with any of my ex boyfriends, but since this was such a major relationship, I'd really like to try it with him, even if it's not for a few years. The thought of never seeing him again just makes me too sad.
- Don't Want to Nix my Ex
Dear Nix,
What is this whole thing about staying friends with your exes? Are people really pulling it off out there? And how the hell are they doing it? The only exes I'm still friends with I was never in love with in the first place so they don't really count. Then there are those I wouldn't go near again because they exhaust, bore or scare the hell out of me. The others I'd just be faking it with because, if given the chance and really not even very much tequila, I'd jump their bones so fast they wouldn't know what hit them.
My definition of "friend" means someone you can hang out with easily, share your hopes, dreams and crushes with, someone who doesn't poke that special soft spot in your heart and make you feel all nostalgic about that special snuggly thing you once had together. Friendships are complicated enough without heaping all that leftover crap on them. I just don't see the point.
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I do know some people who have honestly pulled it off and I am awed by them, much the same way I am by people who can have a permanent third in their marriage or who can smoke one cigarette a day and leave it at that. But I think they are few and far between - most people are pretending a fully loaded situation isn't just so they can feel the rush. Why you'd want to go back and get in deep with someone you nearly killed yourself separating from is a mystery to me. Yes, it's so nice to feel that closeness, but why not get a dog or something?
Here's the thing you have to remember: this just happened to you so your brain is still all goopy with thoughts of him. As time goes by, he will become less and less important in your life, and the desire you have to keep him around may be replaced by a bigger desire to be free and move on to someone better suited for you.
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