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Living In Sin: Doggy Style

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. Sign up for her newsletter and have it sent to you every week. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.


Dear Jen,
I'm a divorced woman who seems to finally be getting somewhere with a woman who happens to be my veterinarian. She's been flirting with me, in front of the techs out at the front desk, for close to one year now, but refuses to take it any further.

I decided to try and talk with her and find out what's going on, and when I did, she seemed to panic and then told me she's in the middle of a divorce. I told her I was divorced too and knew where she was coming from. Then she said she didn't really have time for something like this for a few months, and I said that was fine. At that point she seemed to not only be relieved, but extremely happy, and said we could go out and have a social night, then changed it to having me over for dinner instead. Would you be confused? I think she's the nicest person and would really like to get to know her better, but wish I knew which direction she was going. Any ideas?
- In Or Out?

Dear Or,
The next person who spews forth every last itty bitty detail of whatever their issue is (as this letter did before I edited it down) will receive my entire collection of inane, windbaggy letters so they can see just how mind-numbing they are. Seriously people - I understand that you want to be clear, and that you're reaching out for help, but I'm gonna go ahead here and reach out for a little help myself. Please read your letters over, just once, before you send them in. Understand that details like - "she at one time blurted out to me what her age was in the exam room, which was 5 years older than myself, and she doesn't know how old I am and up to now hasn't asked"- are not relevant. Help me help you, won't you?

I know, who peed in my Wheaties this morning, right? Could I be any bitchier? Sorry, to be honest, it's not just that this type of thing drives me nuts, but I'm writing this from a friend's house who had to skip out for a few hours and left me here with her hyper dog and his two barky/jumpy/slobbery play date doggy pals. I am a lot of things, one of which most definitely is not a dog lover. The only dogs I like are the ones who kind of ignore you, or that are one smelly dog breath away from death and can barely move, bark or lick and need to be carried around to pee. Those ones that have to push themselves around on a skate board for a lack of hind legs would work for me too. But instead I'm sitting here with Mo, Larry and Curly, and for the past hour I've been battling crotch-seeking noses, ear-splitting barks, tongues, farts, tails, leaps and bounds on my head and computer...people voluntarily take these animals in and give them homes! In their houses! On purpose! It is flabbergasting. Truly.

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Anyway, here's what you need to do. Give this woman the time she asked for. Go slowly, get to know her and stop worrying about where she's at because it sounds like she has no idea either. You'd be much better off focusing on how fabulous (albeit windbaggy) you are, so when the time comes to make your move, you'll feel so sexy and confident that it won't even matter what she does. She's either going to be into you or not, so all your fretting and detail evaluation won't change a thing. Your time would be much better spent enjoying the moment and going with the flow. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find some duct tape....