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Living In Sin: Dr. Strangelove

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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,
Recently it was revealed that the Pentagon, under Bill Clinton, was working on a secret Gay Bomb.

It apparently involved a strong-enough hormonal attractant to turn entire opposing ranks homosexual and hopelessly in lust with each other. They (we) spent a few million, but now it's supposedly a shelved project.

I must admit, I'm hopelessly heterosexual and can't imagine a chemical that would change that. But I’ve always been interested in the role of smells, and presumably that's how the secret Gay Bomb would have worked. Opinions?
- I Smell a Homo

Dear Smell,
Well, now there’s an idea. I smell a great movie, no, wait, a great musical. A bunch of queens sneak into the Pentagon, steal the bomb and suddenly life is a cabaret! Figure skating is declared the national sport, overpopulation, unwanted teen pregnancy and abortion become non-issues and Cher finally takes her rightful place as president.

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Yes, it is sad, and staggeringly insulting to the gay population, but true: the macho pinheads who run our country did pull such a stunt, wasting millions of our hard-earned dollars (7.5 to be exact) appealing to their own homosexual neurosis. Why on earth would turning the opposing team gay make them any easier to fight? Do they think they’d just be like, “ow, quit it!” when they got shot? That they’d be too busy carving their initials inside little hearts on the barrack walls, and grinding to the latest Kylie single, to go out and fight? That straight women are tougher than lesbians?