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Living In Sin: Cohabitating With a Cocktease

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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. You can see her column in print in the LA Alternative Press, or have it sent to you every week by signing up for her newsletter. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.

Dear Jen,
My room mate and I have been living together for about a year. He's straight, I'm gay, he's hot, and I'm losing my mind. He has a girlfriend, but whenever she's not around, he flirts with me like crazy. He struts around the apartment in his skivvies, and is always asking me to rub his neck (which I gladly do). He knows I lust after him, but I'm scared to make a move because we have a great living situation, and I'm pretty sure he'd freak out. I can't take it anymore. What should I do?
- Want to Mate With My Roomie

Dear Mate,
"Straight" is the flimsiest word in the English language, second only to "never" and "just friends." "Ooowah, could you give my neck a little rubskypoo? I mean, could you rub my neck, dude?" Puhleese - girlfriend shmirlfriend, Cocky McTeaserson is totally asking for it. Whether or not he'll ever admit to that, however, is hard to say. He may just be one of those selfish, insecure types who thrives on suckers like you shoveling coal into his giant ego furnace, and who'll act like you're delusional should your neck rubs wander to regions south. Either that or he'll have his ankles around your ears so fast you'll think his ass is on fire. Who knows? But I think it's high time you found out.

I say jump his straight bones. Or at least have a little talkiepoo. Either way, you don't have a whole lot to lose, because, contrary to what you think, you don't have a great living situation (that is unless you think living with a constant state of blue-balls is a good time). Call his bluff, and then you can let the elephant out of the room and get on with your life. Maybe you'll get laid, maybe you'll move out, or maybe he'll put some pants on and ask the person he's actually dating to rub his sore bits instead of you.