Living in Sin: Bi-Curious
Jen Sincero is a musician, sexpert, and the author of the bestselling book, The Straight Girl’s Guide To Sleeping With Chicks and the semi-autobiographical novel, Don’t Sleep With Your Drummer. She currently hosts a weekly sex talk radio show called Dr. Happypants on killradio.org.
Jen is running a workshop for bi-curious women tonight! Get details here.
Living in Sin is her weekly advice column for LA's sexually curious, confused and constipated. Got a question for Jen? Ask her. We promise to be discreet (all questions will be posted anonymously).
I'm a 34 year old woman who, until recently, had never been with another girl, and who'd honestly never even thought about it. But then I went to this wild party where I found myself lip to lip with another woman, and it was so sexy and incredible that I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since!
I want to try it again, but I'm not sure how far I want to go, and am frankly terrified (and excited) about what would happen if it went beyond a kiss. Where do I even start and what do I do once I get there?
Look out below girls - here comes another one! You're not the first one to have her straightypants blown wide open by a pair of soft lady lips, and from the sound of it, it's only a matter of time before those same pants wind up in a forgotten heap in the corner.
You needn't worry about where to start because you've already started. You've broken through the physical barrier with the almighty kiss, which is the gateway drug to sex, and now all you need to do is find a willing partner. I recommend hanging around with the wild party people again to see if they have any more friends like lightening lips back there. Alert the masses that you're looking for a girl to play around with. Buy a sexy lady a drink on some cold dark night.
The fact that you're terrified of taking it past first base leads me to believe that you're not only going to go there, but that you'll probably blow off work to stay there all day. We only fear things that have some sort of meaning to us, so if deep down you knew you wouldn't go hog wild for it, you wouldn't be scared. Which is exactly why you should do it.
This reminds me of this guy I saw back in the days when I stayed up long enough to see the sun come up. I was at this all night diner in NY on a Sunday morning at around 5am, and the place was packed with the drunk, the drug addicted, the very tired, and the churchgoing. There was this guy sitting in the corner by himself, staring suspiciously at his pancakes. He looked like he'd been dragged face down over a couple speedbumps for a several miles, His eyes were like two pissholes in a snowbank. I think there may have even been a fat lip involved. He was sitting there, all wobbly and bloodshot, wearing a baseball cap that said "protect me from the things that I want". I will never forget him.
The difference between his situation and yours is that wanting to explore your sexuality and open yourself up to the wide world of pleasure is very different than wanting to explore a dark alley drug deal and open yourself up to a sock full of nickels in the face.The only thing you have to fear here is missing out on carpe-ing your diem. As far as knowing what to do with a naked girl in your bed, trust your instincts. It's like that saying, "there's no better spice than a good appetite." That's not actually the saying but I know it goes something like that. My point is, if you're hot for someone and they're hot for you, your inner whores will take care of the rest. Your main job is just to get yourself there.
Got a question for Jen? Ask her.