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Living In Sin: Bi Any Other Name

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Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,
I just had a look at an editors' review of your book, "The Straight Girl's Guide To Sleeping With Chicks," and am baffled - what makes you straight? I may be one of those rare people who never particularly noticed whether people were male or female when I was a kid, but rather went for a certain kind of energy (which is found in male actors/circus people, as well as in certain creative or particularly observant women).

I've had relationships as well as sex with both men and women and prefer to have relationships with women. I think I fall in love with women more intensely, but that doesn't have that much to do with sex itself in the way you describe sex.

Most of the women I've been with were bisexual, later perhaps with men again also due to having kids with them. I tend to find lesbians too masculine or too sappily feminine (when submissive) and men too masculine as well. However, I get hellishly confused and hurt by the odd female friend (with whom I have a much too long-lasting and emotionally close bond to end the friendship with), who projects their idea of sex onto me, whereas I enjoy the romance that's there.

Anyway, I think there is nothing straight about wanting sex with another woman, even when it's only occasionally, once or temporarily. Your way of women having sex with other women sounds more like the way (some) gay men have sex. After all, the word is heteroSEXual or homoSEXual, and not emotional, like I'd prefer it.
- Baffled Bi You

Dear Baffled,
I thought about just using the very first sentence of your letter because it poses a very good, often-asked question, but then I thought, "hey, maybe she'll give me some of whatever she's smoking if I print the whole thing."