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Every week in Living in Sin, Jen Sincero provides advice to LA's sexually confounded. Sign up for her newsletter and have it sent to you every week. Ask Jen your questions: all are posted anonymously.
Dear Jen,
I've been involved with a very wonderful younger man (6 years) for the past year. We're basically "friends with benefits," only we do nothing that "normal" friends do, such as have dinner, see movies, go shopping, etc. All we ever do is have sex. Amazing sex!! But nothing more. We're both in our 30's and both have close relationships with our respective families, however we've never met the other's family, or friends for that matter.
As I said, the sex is amazing, but I'm beginning to have stronger and deeper emotions for him. I often wonder if there will ever be more to our relationship. He's a good man and would make a wonderful husband someday.
Am I crazy to hope for our relationship to go in a more serious direction after spending the past year as a booty call?
- Booty Call For Help
Dear Help,
Is there anything sadder than a perfectly good booty call getting all complicated by feelings? It's so hard to find that perfect person who's just hot enough to molest on a regular basis, but who isn't quite mate material because he can't make you laugh and insists on using words like "terrific."
According to my extensive research, most booty calls have a three month shelf life. That seems to be how long it takes to go from filthy, string-free, if-you-ain't-home-I'll-just-go-ahead-and-fuck-your-roomate sex to getting all mopey because he took some other chick to his office party. Someone almost always falls, and then, unless that someone is both of you, you have to snip it off.
So what's a horny, single lady to do? Here are some helpful guidelines to ensure your booty call lives the healthiest, happiest and longest life possible:
1.) Make sure there's something about your booty call that you find repulsive/unacceptable/embarrassing
2.) Find someone who lives in a different state and ship him in/farm yourself out as needed
3.) Don't hang out outside the bedroom
4.) Don't talk too much inside the bedroom
5.) Don't loan him books, CDs, clothing, money, anything else that gives you any excuse, other than sex, to see him
6.) If you must talk on the phone, make it quick. Or dirty.
7.) Don't sit around and fantasize about what your children would look like. Don't doodle his name on your notebook
8.) Make sure all out of state booty stays with you for no more than 3 days
9.) Make sure all local booty travels in different circles
10.) Be mighty real about how you feel
These are just general guidelines. It's possible to stray from the rules, as well as keep things going for years with the same person, but I gotta say, if the sex is hot for a long time, there's usually something more there. And if it hasn't developed into something deeper, it's usually one sided. And that one side is usually lying about how they feel because they don't want it to end.
I don't think there's anything crazy about wanting a more intimate relationship with this guy, but I do think there's something crazy about sticking with him if he says he can't give you what you want. This will only torture your soul and keep you from finding someone else who wants to be with you, all of you, not just with what's down your pants.
