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LAist's Secrets of The Town: Why Your Friends Hate You Edition

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There are many secrets shrouded in mystery here in the City of Angels.

That's why LAist's brand-new feature (one of thousands to be unveiled in the coming decades) Secrets of the Town has been unleashed upon the unsuspecting citizens of this great city in an attempt to uncover the tidbits of information you were never meant to discover.

This week, LAist would like to let you in on a little secret that few people have come to terms with. A small little detail in the many relationships you foster on a daily basis. A downright depressing thought when you really think about it.

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Your Friends Hate You.

We hate to be the bearer of bad news and all, but the truth stings. For every time you accomplish something... Every time something good happens to you.. Every time your friends ask you what's going on and you give them a list of the great things happening to you from that new car to that new house to that new baby to that new job to that new deal to that new shirt to that new pair of $400 shoes to that new Kate Spade bag to that new paint job to that new video game console to that new nickname that was given to you by that A-list star in a night of drunken chaos...

Every time you share this information, your friends may say how awesome that is and how happy they are for you and how wonderful you must be feeling... But every time you do this, they hate you even more.

Eventually, they'll just stop returning your calls and resort to e-mail correspondence. Soon after you share even more good news with them via your digital communications, they will change their e-mail address and forget to tell you.

Your friends will never abandon you. They will never speak ill will of you to others. They will never fashion voodoo dolls out of your personal items and stick pins in your crotch. But they will hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you hate you.

LAist isn't quite sure why. LAist isn't quite sure how to combat such hidden, secretive friendly-hatred, but we know it's out there. We know it's happening.

And you know...we just wanted to give you something to chew on for this wonderful Friday morning.

You can thank us later.

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