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LAist's NFL Armchair Quarterback: Tragedy

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Tom Brady Limps Off the Field. AP Photo/Winslow Townson

What an awful opening weekend for the NFL. Well actually what an awful opening weekend for my picks. While I didn’t get a chance to post my picks, I’m actually quite happy to save some face.

Being the honest asshole I am, I will actually say that including Thursday’s game I got only six games correct. Yes. Six out of 14.

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But as bad as that is, nothing can be as bad as what the New England Patriots went through today. After taking quarterback Tom Brady off the injury list for the first time since 2005, he was injured midway in the first quarter on a hit by Kansas City Chief’s safety Bernard Pollard. He clutched his left knee and early word seems to indicate he has a torn ACL will be out for the season.

Granted backup Matt Cassel led two touchdown drives to lead the Patriots to victory, but those Pats certainly don’t have the same swagger as they do with Tom Brady behind center. This should be a clarion call to the rest of the AFC East. This is now a winnable division especially since most the division is not good.

But remember, it’s just one game. Last season the Detroit Lions started out 6-2 but went on to lost their next six and ended up 7-9. So let’s see how things play out.

NFL Capsules

New York Giants defeat Washington Redskins 16-7. In the Thursday game, two teams played about as horribly as possible to make me have no regrets for not leaving work on time to rush home and watch the game. No points in the second half. Really? By the way I picked Washington to win this game.

Atlanta Falcons defeat Detroit Lions 34-21. Yes I did proclaim the Falcons NFC South winners. And yes I did pick Atlanta to win this game making me look like a genius for a second. But it was against the Detroit Lions at home, so I can't really celebrate this one too much. By the way rookie starting quarterback Matt Ryan's first pass for the Falcons was a 62-yard touchdown pass. Michael Vick who? The dogs were surely let out today.

Buffalo Bills defeat Seattle Seahawks 34-10. The Buffalo Bills made their bid for the AFC East by pounding on the Seahawks. Before we get too carried away with this game it needs to be said that Seattle never travels to the East Coast well. So Buffalo fans, don't anoint Dick Jauron coach of the year yet. And Seattle fans, just hold off on that lethal dose of heroin. I did pick Seattle to win this game, and I'm still kicking myself for it.

Tennessee Titans defeat Jacksonville Jaguars 17-10. What the hell was that that Jacksonville put on the field? Was that supposed to be a football team? The Titan's defense sacked quarterback David Garrard seven times. Meanwhile Titan's quarterback Vince Young proved that he got no better during the offseason throwing two interceptions. He also sprained his left knee. I picked Jacksonville to win this game. Uy.

NY Jets defeat Miami Dolphins 20-14. Brett Favre in his first game as a Jet, and he had a decent outing. Miami's quarterback Chad Pennington also had a decent day, but it was a sloppy game on both sides. I picked Miami to win this, and I don't remember why I picked them.

New England Patriots defeat Kansas City Chiefs 17-10. I don't wish any ill will towards athletes, but anything to keep Bostonians quiet for at least one second I approve. I picked New England to win this and Matt Cassel didn't disappoint.

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New Orleans Saints defeat Tampa Bay Buccaneers 24-20. Drew Brees' mole, Jon Gruden's expressions and Kim Kardashian. What more do you want in a football game? Reggie Bush led all receivers with eight receptions and 112 yards with the game winning touchdown. In a game that should have been more defensive, there was a total of 790 yards gained between the two teams. I did pick New Orleans to win this.

Philadelphia Eagles defeat St. Louis Rams 38-3. Did anyone really think the Eagles were going to lose to the Rams? Really? I didn't.

Pittsburgh Steelers defeat Houston Texans 38-17. This one was a surprise. I didn't think Houston would be outplayed this badly. Either the Steelers really upgraded offensively or the Texans got worse on defense. I did pick Houston to win this as an upset. But I expected them to make this a more interesting game.

Baltimore Ravens defeat Cincinnati Bengals 17-10. Chad Ocho Cinco wasn't allowed to wear Ocho Cinco on his jersey, and he ended up getting one reception for 22 yards. For people who had Carson Palmer on their fantasy team, sorry. I picked Cincinnati to win this. Hm.

Dallas Cowboys defeat Cleveland Browns 28-10. How about them Cowboys? Tony Romo got a boo-boo on his chin, but he still managed to pass for 320 yards and a touchdown pass to Terrell Owens. Again, did anyone expect the Browns to win except for people who think Ohio State really has a chance against USC? I picked Dallas.

Carolina Panthers defeat San Diego Chargers 26-24. Now this was an upset. The only thing I can say about this game is that Carolina looks better than expected. Shawne Merriman looked decent in this game, but I wouldn't make any sweeping statements about the Chargers based on this game. Look at last season for reference. I picked San Diego to win. D'oh!

Arizona Cardinals defeat San Francisco 49ers 23-13. Um. I really don't care about either team to comment on this game. I picked San Francisco to win this.

Chicago Bears defeat Indianapolis Colts 29-13. Warning: strong homerism in this capsule. MY BEARS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!! They looked like a dominant team again with a quarterback that doesn't throw interceptions on every possession, a defense that dictated what the Colts would do and a team that didn't make mistakes. The offense didn't light things up, but they really didn't have to. Rookie running back Matt Forte rushed for 123 yards and a touchdown, while everyone's favorite drunk quarterback Kyle Orton threw for 150 yards. I picked my Bears to win. So fuck all my other picks. DA BEARS WIN!