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Is God Korean?

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Existential mystery solved? LAist decided to take a theological spin of the bottle, as so many idiots have no doubt done before us, and see whether we couldn't find the Answer to Everything by simply typing "God.com" into our web browser.

"God does not have or need a website," says God.com right off, which makes us wonder what we're looking at (and why He's being so coy, for that matter.) The website then sets up a series of probing, insidious questions: "How does one go to heaven?" "Why are there so many religions and which one is right?" The Evangelical Media Group (registrar of the site) is obviously more than happy to make a suggestion for you, once you've taken the bait. Check out the exciting brimstone sermons available through the links! Deliver them at home to all your (soon to be ex-) friends! God.com isn't afraid to share its point of view with you! He's an exclusive God, a mite vengeful...but a little investigation reveals that God.com isn't really God's website at all.

Prominently, at the top of the site, are not the words "God.com," but instead the words, "yourBIBLE.com." Without checking, we assumed that our browser had just redirected us. But in fact, it hadn't.

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So out of curiosity, we typed in "yourBIBLE.com", and found a site with a pretty intense painting of a blood-stained bible for an opening page. Although they have one large image in common, yourbible.com is a completely different site from God.com. And it's only in Korean.

Now the plot thickens. Network Solutions' WHOIS server says that yourbible.com is owned by

Voice of Many Waters (25344032O)
451 DaeRim Acrotel 140-3 Sam-Sung 2 Dong
Kang-Nam-Ku
Seoul, 135-875
KR
Phone: +82-502-305-0000
Fax: +82-502-023-3927

(Quickly: Fax them Many Xeroxes of Many Butt Cheeks!)

Oddly, Netsol's WHOIS search will not pull up any result for God.com at all. (We found out through other means that God Himself is also registered from Korea.) Netsol, for that one and only address, just says the request couldn't be processed. Netsol's servers are going out of their way to hide the owners of God.com.

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All of this leads to the question, if God is watching us, then who's watching His website?

"Voice of many waters" is a much-repeated phrase in the Book of Revelations. It describes the sound of Christ's return in the apocalypse when, according to strict Evangelical interpretation, He'll snatch 144,000 True Believers off the Earth and straight to Heaven, leaving everyone else to burn in hell.

And it's the followers of this doomsday cult who're running the website God.com (not to mention our Government.)

It's as if Suicide.com were a site that advocated suicide, or the FTD website only let you send venus flytraps. How dare they hijack God.com and use it to sell their cult? What an immensely cold hearted brush-off, what an insult to the whole rest of Humanity! What a Philistine, impatient answer to the Question of the ages! What's God to humanity, if not a question? Why us? Why are we here? Does S/He exist? If God's ever gonna give an answer, is S/He likely to give it to us through a bunch of brainwashed Koreans shilling for some huckster back in Seoul?

We guess we'll be waiting for the Day when we'll know for sure. 'Til then, happy faxing!